The Queen of My Heart
by Lina Shay
Summary: [Finished] Remus Lupin pines for Lily Evans. When she starts to go out with James, will Remus be able to keep his feelings to himself? RL, JL
1. Speaking of Girls

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
A/N: Those of you who have read "Harry Potter and the necklace of Gebo" will be quite disappointed with this story. It is less thought out, it'll be much shorter, and it'll take longer for me to update. But I would advise you to read it anyway. I think it'll turn out quite good even though it couldn't hold a candle to my first HP fanfic.  
  
Disclaimer and etc: I don't own any of the names so far. I might make up my own characters later. I' also, might be off on dates and descriptions. I hope no one is offended by my portrayal of these characters.  
  
Chapter One: Speaking of Girls  
  
She stood just meters away, smiling brilliantly and flipping her long, shimmering, dark red hair over her shoulder as she talked to her many friends. She was the most popular girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Everyone loved her; including Remus Lupin. Remus could stare at Lily Evans for hours, just absorbing her gentle grace. He thought of her as the Queen of his heart. There wasn't a thing she could command that he would not do. Of course, Remus never had the courage to approach her or initiate a link of communication. Everytime she would try to talk to him, he would sputter and act stupid. He wasn't always so shy, though. Remus was perfectly as ease and quite humorous when he hung around with his gang.  
  
"Mooney," someone said as Remus felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
He turned around and looked at his three best friends: Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Sirius Black.  
  
"C'mon, let's get on the train already," Sirius blurted.  
  
Remus smiled and nodded. As the four best friends climbed aboard the Hogwarts Express, James, pushing his glasses to the top of his nose, pulled Remus black a little from the others.  
  
"What were you staring at?" James asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing," Remus lied. "I was just thinking."  
  
"That'll get you into trouble," James laughed. "Thinking is for people like Snape."  
  
Remus smiled, still thinking of the beautiful Lily Evans.   
  
Sirius picked an empty compartment on the train and everyone else crowded in. Remus sat next to James while Sirius was next to Peter. Sirius leaned forward, his outset forehead casting shadows over his dark eyes.  
  
"Kill anyone this Summer?" he asked Remus.  
  
"I should say not," Remus told him. "Even if I had, I should still say not."  
  
"In other words," James put in, "you wouldn't tell us if you did."  
  
"I'm hurt," Peter squealed. "You can't trust us?"  
  
"I'm just bugging with you," Remus assured them. "I'd tell you if I had killed someone."  
  
"Fix your hair, James," Sirius ordered. "You look like you was electrocuted."  
  
"I can't help it," James said, trying to comb his unruly hair into place with his fingernails. "My hair naturally sticks out everywhere."  
  
"I really don't see how you get so many girls," Sirius commented. "Your hair is always a mess and you look like such a geek in those glasses."  
  
"Gee, thanks," James said sarcastically.  
  
The train started moving out of the station. Remus was looking forward to another year at Hogwarts. Summer always depressed him because he had no friends other then James, Sirius, and Peter. And he could only see them during school.  
  
"Sixth-years," Sirius announced. "Best years of our lives."  
  
"The chicks will flock our way," James added.  
  
"Maybe they'll flock your way," Remus began. "Peter and I will probably be left on the sidelines."  
  
Peter nodded vigorously.  
  
"C'mon, Mooney," James said after slapping Remus on the back. "Have a little confidence. That's what gets the ladies."  
  
"It'll take more then confidence for me to get girls," Peter, who was rather short and plump with beady eyes, wheezed. "At least Mooney is good-looking."  
  
Remus was about to object to the comment about him being good-looking when Sirius decided to speak.  
  
"Peter, I'm sure there's a girl who'll love a...cuddly chap like yourself."  
  
Peter smiled excitedly, "Really, Sirius?"  
  
"Sure," Sirius replied.  
  
At least someone got assurance from the conversation. Remus was still sure that he would be left out of the dating life.   
  
"Say, James," Sirius began, "are you still dating-what's her name-Melissa Crabtry?"  
  
"Nah," James answered, "Melissa and I broke up a month ago. I'm dating Brenda Lee now."  
  
"How'd you start dating Brenda Lee?" Peter asked, amazed at the beauty of James' girlfriends.  
  
"I just bumped into her at Diagon Alley," James explained. "She wanted frog's wart. I wanted a frog's wart. We reached for the same wart. I bought her an ice cream cone and there you go. I've been receiving love letters and sending them back ever since."  
  
"How do you do it?" Remus questioned. "Any girl just falls for you instantly. How do you do it?"  
  
"I don't sweat things and just be myself," James told him. "It's quite easy once you get the hang of it."  
  
"Just believe that you can do it," Sirius added. "Walk up to a girl and start a conversation."  
  
"I wish I had the charm," Remus admitted. "Whenever I try to talk to a pretty girl, it's like my brain goes numb."  
  
"Start with ugly ones then," Sirius suggested.  
  
Peter chuckled.  
  
As the day wore on, Remus started to feel ill. The temperature in the compartment seemed to have risen ten degrees and he felt sharp stabbing pains in his sides. He unbuttoned his shirt a little and started to pant.  
  
"Feeling alright, Mooney?" James asked. "You look pale."  
  
"Is it that time of month already?" Peter squealed  
  
"Do you need to lie down?" James asked. "I can move."  
  
"No," Remus breathed, wiping the sweat from the back of his neck, "I have a while still."  
  
Sirius glanced out the window. The sun was getting awfully low.  
  
"It might be dark before we get there," he announced.  
  
"That's a problem," James said, searching the compartment for some solution to their problem.  
  
"What do we do?" Peter screeched, standing on his dumpy legs and pacing in panic. "He's going to change and then everyone'll see."  
  
"That's just what I need," Remus groaned.  
  
"We could owl Dumbledore," James suggested.  
  
"No," Sirius shot down, "what could he do?"  
  
"He always figures out any problems," James informed.   
  
"There isn't enough time!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
The air in the compartment felt very thick and warm. Remus felt crowded and somewhat claustrophobic.  
  
"I need air," Remus choked, pushing through the helping hands of his friends and leaving the compartment. He made his way through the corridor, pushing against the wall to keep his balance. Next to the train lavatory was an open door. He held on to the metal railing and hung slightly out the door. The fresh air being thrust into his face felt so refreshing. The landscape rushing by made him queazy though.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
Suddenly, the start caused him to loose his balance. He almost fell out of the open door before being gripped around the waist and yanked back on to the train. He tumbled backward and found himself laying on his stomach with his legs propped up on someone. He jerked his head around to look into the brilliant green eyes of Lily Evans. 


	2. The Transformation

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Dedication: To Ruatha Oakenhelm. She inspired me to write about the Mauranderers. Read her story "Die for you". It only has a few chapters so far, but it's awfully good.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except for Madam Epdac.  
  
Chapter Two: The Transformation  
  
Remus stared at Lily, completely aware of the fact that she had just saved his life. He desperately wanted to get up and flee the embarrassing scene, but his limbs were not getting the message. It was like the connection between his brain and his muscles was severed. He was unable to move in the slightest.  
  
"Remus," Lily began, pushing some red hair from her face, "I hate to be rude, but would you mind getting off me."  
  
"I'll try," Remus mumbled.  
  
This time, his limbs did move. He quickly climbed off of Lily and stood up. Lily sat up and stared at him. Remus held out his hand and helped her up.  
  
"What on earth were you doing hanging out that door?" Lily asked, once on her feet.  
  
"Air!" Remus blurted. "The air wanted me. I mean, I wanted the air. I..needed air to breath."  
  
Lily just looked at him, quite bemused.  
  
"Oh," she said. "Air. I got it."  
  
Remus felt like kicking himself. He felt so stupid and he was almost sure he was blushing. Lily had to think he was a brainless git.   
  
"I suppose I ought to get back to my friends," Lily told him.  
  
"Good," he began, "that sounds good. It's nice to have friends."  
  
Lily nodded as she turned and headed down the corridor. Once Lily had gone into her compartment, Remus banged his head against the wall.  
  
He was so distressed about what Lily must think about him that he nearly forgot his symptoms. It was when he puked off the train that he remembered his condition.  
  
Remus went back to the compartment and sat down. He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh, and lay his head back. Peter, Sirius, and James eyed him.  
  
"I've never seen someone who was so many different colors at once," James commented.   
  
"Your cheeks are pink," Sirius told him.  
  
"Your jaw and temples are a shade of green," Peter added.  
  
"Your chin and forehead are almost white," James explained. "And you have dark circles under your eyes."  
  
Thanks for the description," Remus complained, not wanting to know how horrible he looked in front of Lily.  
  
"Feeling any better?" Peter asked.  
  
"Not in the least," Remus groaned.  
  
Sunset fell over the train. Remus' cramps were getting worse by the minute and he had the beginnings of a beard growing. Sure that the train would stop soon, the guys quickly put on their robes. Remus had old and tattered ones, like he did every year. His mother only got him new ones when the older ones were too torn to wear. If she got him new robes, he would just ruin them.  
  
The train pulled into Hogsmede Station. Sirius pulled an old cloak with a hood out of his trunk and put it on Remus. He was now mostly covered in hair.   
  
"There," Sirius began, "just keep your head down and it'll be alright."  
  
James glanced into the hall and made sure that it was mostly clear before he and Sirius helped Remus out of the compartment. Peter pulled a couple of chests behind him. As they got off the train, Remus cringed in pain, holding his sides.  
  
"I'll take him the rest of the way to the carriages," James offered to Sirius. "You get the other trunks."  
  
"Alright," Sirius agreed, letting go of Remus and getting back on the train.  
  
Remus stared at the ground, trying his best to hide his transformation. He began to hunch over, unable to hold himself upright. James kept his arm around Remus to help him walk, even though it was straining to keep him standing. Finally, they got to the carriage. Remus climbed weakly into the carriage as James helped Peter with the trunks. Remus got on one of the seats and lay down. The sharp pains in his sides seemed to fuse his body in a bent-over position.   
  
Sirius, James, and Peter got into the carriage. They all squeeze in on the other side of Remus and watched him cautiously.  
  
"What are we going to do?" Peter whined.  
  
"We can let him off before we leave Hogsmede," James suggested.  
  
Remus was in so much pain that he clung to the cushion with his now sharp teeth and kicked his shortening legs furiously. He wheezed and whined and moaned. Sirius stared out the window.  
  
"There's the Streaking Shack," he pointed out.  
  
James leaned forward and unlatched the door. With no hesitation, Remus leapt out of the door and scurried toward the large, broken-down house. It was in desperate need of repairs. The wooden fence had missing slats and holes on it. Remus ran, on all fours, through on of the holes and up to an old window without glass. Remus jumped through. Inside, Remus found comfort. Since he started school at Hogwarts, he had spent many hours in that house. It was apparent. The furniture was torn and broken and the walls were covered in scratch marks.   
  
Remus crawled up the stairs to a bedroom with a canopy bed and climbed on to it. He panted, looking across from him at a full-length mirror on the wall. He stared at the pathetic sight he could see in the reflection. It was an tired-looking and skinny, grey wolf.   
  
Consumed by the sorrow of seeing himself again as a werewolf, Remus broke out in an undescribable rage. His eyes turned a blazing yellow as he snarled at his horrid reflection. Remus leapt from the bed and crashed right into the mirror. He furiously smashed every piece of glass large enough to see himself in, ignoring the many cuts gained from the task. Not being able to see himself did not cure his anger. It seemed to have fed it. Quite distressed and masochistic, Remus began tearing at his own skin, hoping that somehow he could reveal his true self under the wolf's fur. It was no use.   
  
Remus lay still on the broken glass and howled loudly and dismally. 


	3. The Day After

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Three: The Day After  
  
Remus dragged himself into Gryffindor tower at dawn. The bright yellow light cascaded into the common room. Various tables and chairs stood deserted. Coals smoldered in the fire place, remnants of a long dead fire.   
  
Remus made his way to his dormitory. Sirius, James, and Peter were asleep in their four-poster beds. As Remus sat on his bed and began to remove his practically shredded robes, he saw someone stirring. James sat up and peered at him through sleepy and blind eyes.  
  
"Remus?" James asked, reaching toward his night stand for his glasses. "Is it morning?"  
  
"Yeah," Remus answered.  
  
James pushed his glasses on to his face and looked at Remus. He looked quite dreadful. He was pale and sickly-looking, with disheveled light brown hair and dark circles under his eyes.  
  
"Looking good," James said sarcastically.   
  
Remus smiled weakly.  
  
"Feeling better?" James asked.  
  
"Quite," was Remus' reply.  
  
"You're a bit bloody, Mooney," James pointed out. "Maybe you should see Madam Epdac. She can fix you up."  
  
"I don't believe they're much," Remus assured, feeling the sore spots for large wounds. "It's mostly just my upper arm."  
  
The arm of which he spoke was quite scratched. A large gash was in the midst of the scratches and the most part of his upper arm was bruised a gross purple-red.  
  
"That has to get looked at," James commanded.  
  
"I suppose you're right," Remus gave in. "If I walk into class all scratched and bruised, people'll get suspicious."  
  
Remus stretched and James removed his glasses.  
  
"Anything interesting happen at the feast?" Remus asked.  
  
"Not really," James replied. "A bunch of new first years. Dumbledore gave a speech. Same old. Same old."  
  
"Still would have been better then what I went through," Remus grumbled.  
  
"You can say that again."  
  
Remus and James smiled at each other. Remus flipped off his shoes and got under his covers. James pulled his blankets up to his chin.  
  
"Did you see Brenda Lee?" Remus asked.  
  
"Yup," James said simply.  
  
"Cool," Remus commented.  
  
"She wants to be exclusive," James went on.  
  
"Weren't you already?" Remus queried, looking over at James.  
  
"I donno," James began, staring at the ceiling. "I guess I might have gone on a date with another girl if I wanted to."  
  
"So, now you're exclusive?" Remus asked.  
  
"I suppose so," James said. "It's not much different. I just need to be careful about flirting with other girls in front of her."  
  
Remus glanced out of the window. The sun was peaking out over the Forbidden Forest. It was probably nearly six o'clock. Breakfast was at Seven-thirty. That didn't give Remus much sleeping time. So he told James that he needed to steal what snoozing time that he could before school actually started. James agreed and they both went back to sleep.  
  
***********  
  
Remus awoke to the rustling sound of people walking around in the room. He opened his eyes and saw James making his bed, Peter rummaging through his trunk, and Sirius looking in the mirror. Remus pulled off his covers.   
  
"Alright there, Mooney?" Sirius asked, combing out his, rather long, dark brown hair.  
  
"Fine," Remus said simply.  
  
"Want us to wait for you, Mooney?" Peter asked in his usual squeaky voice as he pulled a large book from his trunk.  
  
"Nah," Remus replied, sitting up and stretching. "I have to see Madam Epdac."  
  
"Were you biting yourself again?" Sirius accused.  
  
"I can't seem to help it," Remus murmured. "I just get so angry and self-destructive when I'm a werewolf."  
  
"It'll be over soon, Mooney," Peter told him.  
  
"Yeah," James added, "we're getting close with that potion."  
  
"You won't be so angry when we're there beside you," Sirius assured him.  
  
"I hope so," Remus began. "I can't tell you how much this means to me. You guys could seriously get in trouble for this."  
  
"We'd do anything for you, Mooney," Peter whispered.  
  
The four guys silently smiled at each other.   
  
"We'd better head for the Great Hall," James announced.  
  
"Yeah," Remus said, "and I better get to the Hospital Wing."  
  
"Shave first," Sirius advised. "You look like you haven't changed back human all the way."  
  
Remus laughed.  
  
James, Sirius, and Peter left the dorm room. Remus got up, dressed, shaved, and went up to the hospital wing. Madam Epdac gave him a weird look, seeing his many scrapes, cuts, and gashes. She healed as many of the small ones as she could. The large gash on his arm required gauze, specially doused with phoenix tears.  
  
Remus left the hospital wing and headed down to the Great Hall. There was about fifty people left at each table. The rest of the student were studying, unpacking, or wandering around a bit before classes began. Remus walked over to where he saw Peter, James, and Sirius.   
  
"Hey, Mooney," Sirius greeted. "You didn't take my advise, did you?"  
  
"I did so," Remus said offensively, rubbing his chin.  
  
"I'm just bugging with you," Sirius assured him.  
  
"You look better," Peter complimented. "It's much less obvious that you spent the night in the Shrieking Shack."  
  
"Shut it!" Sirius hissed, smacking Peter on the back of his blond head.  
  
"Oh, sorry," Peter whined, flinching.  
  
"Did I hear mention of the Shreaking Shack?" An intrusive voice asked.  
  
Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter jerked their heads to look at a gangly, sneering boy with black hair that was slicked back in a most greasy manner.  
  
"What do you want, Snape?" James demanded.  
  
"Oh, nothing," the boy promised, looking quite insincere. "I just thought I hear something."  
  
"You hear too much," Remus commented.  
  
"Is there something going on that Dumbledore might want to know about?" Snape asked. "I'm sure I could arrange for him to get an anonymous tip."  
  
"There's nothing going on that Dumbledore doesn't already know," Peter shot at him.  
  
"So Dumbledore knows this big secret of yours," Snape assumed.  
  
"We don't know what secret you're talking about," Sirius said.  
  
"I'm sure you do," Snape smiled, touching the tips of his fingers together. "And I am going to find out this secret of yours. I find out everything."  
  
"That's because you're a nosy git," Sirius began, "who needs to wash his hair every once in a while."  
  
"Be careful what you say," Snape growled. "I know people. I know many, many people."  
  
Snape turned around, watching them until his head couldn't turn any father, and walked back over to the Slytherin table. His long flowing robes making him look mysterious as he ambled away.  
  
"That kid really needs to keep his nose out of our business," James commented.  
  
"He might find it out," Peter whined.   
  
"He will if you don't learn to keep your voice down," Sirius snapped, smacking Peter on the back of his head again.  
  
Peter cringed. 


	4. According to James

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Disclaimer: By the way, Brenda Lee is mine. And so is Melissa Crabtry. I don't care if anyone uses them. I just wanted to say that they're the only characters that I made up.  
  
Chapter four: According to James  
  
The gang had planned to meet in the library to work on the special potion that they were brewing. Sirius, Peter, and Remus showed up on time, but they couldn't find James anywhere. He had been the one to say where they should meet and when. It seemed odd that he was the only one not there.  
  
"Maybe he is here," Remus guessed. "Maybe he just started looking for a book."  
  
"Maybe he saw some girl and followed her behind a book shelf," Sirius suggested, smiling.  
  
"He's going out with Brenda," Peter reminded.  
  
"Doesn't mean he can't have fun on the side," Sirius said.  
  
"Wouldn't hurt to look around a bit for him," Remus told them.  
  
Sirius, Peter, and Remus parted to look in separate directions. Remus found himself wandering down unfamiliar aisles. The shelves reached toward the ceiling. Remus wondered how someone would get a book from the top of the shelf. On some compulsive urge, Remus scanned for people, and once seeing none, began to climb the shelf. The books seemed to get dustier the higher he reached. The books near the top had probably never been read.  
  
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" the voice came from the other side of the shelf.   
  
Remus reached the top and glanced over the shelf and down into the aisle. Two people stood just below him. One of them had untidy black hair. It had to be James. The other person was blond, and from the view Remus had, she had quite a nice body. It seemed to be Brenda Lee.  
  
"It's not you, it's me," James told her.  
  
"I've heard that one before," Brenda scoffed.  
  
"It just doesn't seem right to lead you on like this," James went on.  
  
"You know something, James Potter?" Brenda asked. "You are a cad. I don't even know why I went out with you."  
  
James ignore this statement and continued, "I'm sorry, Brenda, but I'm going to have to break up with you."  
  
Brenda shook her head, saying, "You're insufferable."  
  
"I know it'll be hard to get over me at first," James told her. "But you're strong. I'm sure you can do it."  
  
Brenda slapped James across his face.  
  
"No one has ever dumped me!" She yelled. "Look at me! I am a freaking goddess!"  
  
James was silent.  
  
"You know what?" Brenda said calmly. "If you want to pass up this, that's fine with me. I can get any guy I want to. Most of them are much better looking then you."  
  
Brenda turned on her heels and walked away.  
  
Just then, Remus lost his balance. He flipped over the shelf and went hurtling toward the ground. James pulled out his wand and casted "Wingarium Leviosa!" just before Remus hit the ground. Remus had to breath a moment while James gently set him on the ground. Remus looked up at James.  
  
"What on earth were you doing up there?" James asked.  
  
"I was," Remus began, but he couldn't think of a good explanation. "I was looking for a book."  
  
James raised his eyebrow at Remus.   
  
"Did you see what happened?" James questioned.  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"Why did you break up?" He asked. "You had just gone exclusive."  
  
"I can't date one girl too long," James told him. "That's like tying me down. Plus, Brenda started talking about doing things next summer."  
  
"So," Remus voiced.  
  
"So, that means she plans for us to stay together until next Summer," James began. "We got together this Summer. Next Summer we'd have been together a year. You know what that means?"  
  
"No," Remus answered, pulling himself off of the ground.  
  
"That means she'll be begging for a ring," James explained.   
  
"A ring?" Remus repeated. "You're only sixteen."  
  
"I'll be seventeen next year and that'll be our last year at school," James went on. "She'll be expecting to take vows right after we graduate."  
  
"So you dumped her?" Remus assumed.  
  
"I had to," James told him.  
  
"She wasn't too happy about it," Remus voiced.  
  
"Not many of them are when they're dumped by James Potter," James said narcissisticly.  
  
"You had Brenda Lee," Remus informed. "She's one of the hottest girls in school. You could have waited it out."  
  
"Nah," James replied. "Once they start getting serious, it's time to bale. If not, you're trapped for life."  
  
Remus wasn't sure about this, but he didn't comment on it. 


	5. Potting with Potter

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
A/N: Alright, all you Harry Potter freaks would hvae noticed that I made few mistakes. First of all, the Marauders became animagi their fifth year. My book is their sixth year and they haven't become animagi yet. Secondly, Madam Pomfrey should have still been the nurse, but I made up Madam Epdac to be the nurse. Let's just say that Madam Pomfrey was on holiday this year.  
  
Discalimer: I made up Professor Green in this chapter. The others don't belong to me.  
  
Chapter five: Potting with Potter  
  
The Gryffindors had Herbology that Tuesday. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus headed out together. Herbology class was going to be held in greenhouse two that day. This greenhouse held the most active plants.   
  
As they entered, a purple, cantaloupe-sized seed almost hit Sirius in the head. He ducked just in time. The seed headed toward a large Gardenia, which curled up it's petals and punched the seed. It went flying toward a similar flower on the other side of the greenhouse. A tall, bony woman wearing a pink apron was running about between the flowers and trying to catch the seed.  
  
"Alright there, Professor Green?" Sirius called after the woman.  
  
"They have my spatchweed seed!" Professor Green yelled, jumping for the seed.  
  
"Fetch boy," Sirius said, obviously aiming the comment at Remus.  
  
Peter chuckled.  
  
"I don't think so," Remus shot at him.  
  
"Accio seed," James casted and the seed floated right toward him.  
  
"Good thinking," Peter complimented.  
  
James handed the seed Professor Green. She took it gratefully and ran over to a fifty pound pot and planted the purple seed in it. Other Gryffindors crowded in behind the gang. Remus casually glanced over his shoulder and scanned the crowd for Lily. She was standing in the midst of a bunch of other girls. They were smiling and laughing as usual. Remus wished she was closer to him. He loved the sound of her laugh.  
  
"Mooney, you alright?" Peter asked.  
  
Remus barely heard him. The words were drowned out by his thought of Lily. She was perfect with her sparkling red hair and gorgeous green eyes. Her smile made him want to jump up and down like a fool just so she could laugh at him.  
  
"Hey, Mooney," Sirius began, "we're going to put a dung bomb in Snape's back pack."  
  
Lily was his dream girl. She was love in human form.  
  
"Earth to Remus Lupin," Sirius said loudly.  
  
How he wished he could have her. She was the queen of his heart. He needed her. He couldn't put it off any longer. This had to be the year he finally decided to ask her out. He could leave his shyness behind. He just needed a moment alone with her.  
  
"You guys are being too loud," Professor Green hushed. "What's going on?"  
  
"Remus is incoherent," Sirius informed.  
  
"I am not!" Remus exclaimed.  
  
"Well, let's begin then," Professor Green annouced. "Today, we will be taking the Muslings we potted and cared for last year and planting them at the edge of the Forbidden Forest."  
  
Peter cringed at the mention of the Forbidden Forest. That place was much too scarey for the likes of him.  
  
"Get into pares," Professor Green ordered softly.  
  
Remus pared up with James and Peter and Sirius went together. The Mesling was a sort of bush. It was short with long fuzzy strings instead of leaves. James and Remus lifted the potted Mesling together. They did thier best to follow the teacher down the hill, toward the part of the Forbidden Forest closest to the greenhouse. James and Remus set the pot down.  
  
"Get a shovel," Professor Green told the students.  
  
"I'll get it," James offered.  
  
He walked off toward a shed near greenhouse Two.  
  
"Over here, Sara," someone said beside Remus.  
  
He looked over at Lily Evans and a girl with dishwater blond hair as they set thier pot next to his. Remus started to feel quite warm in the face. Here was his chance. She was right there. Remus opened his mouth, but nothing came out.  
  
"Hey, Remus," Lily greeted.  
  
Remus smiled uncomfortablly at her.  
  
"Remus, I want to talk to you about something," Lily told him, putting her hands in her robe pockets and smiling shyly.  
  
Remus was surprised. What would Lily possibly have to say to him?  
  
"Um..sure," Remus sputtered. "W-what are you talking for?..I mean, about. I mean, what did you want to say?"  
  
Lily paused a minute, in which she lowered her eyebrows as if she was trying to understand something.  
  
"Alright," she went on, "see, there is someone that I like, right?"  
  
Like? Who did she like? And why would she be talking about someone she liked with Remus?  
  
"You might think I'm strange," Lily said, biting her lip and smiling. "I suppose I'm being forward."  
  
Remus was beginning to think the impossible. Did Lily like him?  
  
"Well," Lily continued, "I have to ask you....Did James Potter really break up with Brenda Lee?" 


	6. The Matchmaker

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter six: The Matchmaker  
  
"What?" He asked.  
  
"See, I think James is cute and-" Lily began.  
  
"So do I!" Lily's friend put in.  
  
"Yeah, and," Lily went on, "I heard from Kimberly Brigham, who heard from Lisa Longbottum, who heard from Jenifer Rock, who is Brenda Lee's best friend, that her and James broke up. I was just wondering if it was true."  
  
Remus nodded slowly, in some shock.   
  
"They did break up?" Lily shouted.  
  
Remus nodded again.  
  
Lily turned to her friend and they both screamed for a while. Remus watched them, dazed and confused (to quote a movie).  
  
"Look, here he comes!" Lily points out excitedly.   
  
Remus looked up the hill and saw James coming down, carrying a shovel.  
  
"Remus, do something for me," Lily said, biting her lip and grabbing on to Remus' arm.  
  
Remus looked at where their skin was touching. Lily turned her face to him and their eyes met. Do something for her? With those eyes looking at him, he couldn't possibly refuse her anything.  
  
"Would you put in a good word for me with James?" Lily requested.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Remus agreed, rather quietly and quickly.  
  
"Thanks a million," Lily giggled, smiling so big her eyes slightly squinted.  
  
Knowing that he cause that beautiful smile made Remus feel so happy, even though it did have to do with setting the queen of his heart up with his best friend.  
  
************  
  
At lunch, Remus made sure to sit right next to James, with Sirius and Peter opposite them. Remus simply had to put in a good word like he promised. Problem was, other then his reluctance to hand Lily over to James, that he couldn't pick a good word out of everything so wonderful about Lily.   
  
"James, buddy," Remus began, patting James on the shoulder.  
  
James looked at him suspiciously and said, "What?"  
  
"You know Lily Evans?" Remus asked.  
  
"Yeah," James told him. "She's in our year and our house. How could I not know her?"  
  
"Well," Remus went on, "she's great, isn't she?"  
  
"I'm afraid I don't know her that well," James said.  
  
"She is great," Remus assured him. "She's...smart..and funny...and really wonderful."  
  
"OK," James began, "I'll take your word for it."  
  
"Lily is nice, too," Remus added. "I'm sure she's athletic, though she's not on the Qudditch team."  
  
"Yeah, yeah," James droned, "what are you getting at?"  
  
"How can you not notice her!" Remus exclaimed. "How could you not be absolutely out-of- your-mind crazy for her? She just walks into a room and lights everything up with her delicate grace and beauty. She has everything that a guy could want. She's perfect."  
  
James leaned back in his chair and wrinkled his forehead in thought.  
  
"She is beautiful, isn't she?" James asked.  
  
"That's what I said," Remus grumbled.   
  
"Maybe I should talk to her," James mused.  
  
"Blimey, you're shallow," Remus mumbled.  
  
Luckily, James didn't hear that.  
  
"Should I tell her you want to talk to her?" Remus queried.  
  
"What, are you her messenger or something?"   
  
Remus opened his mouth but couldn't think of a response.  
  
"Just tell her I think she's hot," James allowed.  
  
Remus got up and walked down the Great Hall, along the table. Lily sat almost twenty people away. She flipped her hair just as Remus came up. An undescribably wonderful smell wafted in the air near her.  
  
"And, like, his name is Rupert Finnigan," Lily's friend told her. "He's a muggle so my parents don't really approve."  
  
"Lily," he began in a higher pitch then he would have liked.  
  
Lily turned to him. Her somewhat bemused expression altered immediately to excitement. when she saw him. This made Remus' stomach do a hurdle.  
  
"Remus," Lily smiled, "did he say anything?"  
  
"Yeah," Remus said, semi-ly whining, "he said you're...you're beautiful."  
  
He could fib a bit. It was allowed. They were nearly the same thing: beautiful and hot. Just one was more romantic sounding then the other.  
  
"He said that, really?" Lily gasped.   
  
Remus nodded.  
  
Lily grabbed her friend's arm and they both screamed.  
  
"You should say something back," her blond friend advised.  
  
"What should I say?" Lily asked.  
  
"Tell him that he's got kissable lips," her fiend proposed.  
  
"No!" Lily exclaimed. "I can't send him a message like that."  
  
Why was he doing this? Remus was playing match-maker for Lily, the girl he loved. He knew why he was doing it. She was the queen of his heart. Anything she could command, he would do.  
  
"Just tell him that I don't have a boyfriend," Lily requested.  
  
Remus nodded and returned to James.  
  
"What took you?" James questioned.  
  
"Lily thinks you should know that she's available," Remus told him.  
  
"Alright," James said, "that's good."  
  
"That it?"  
  
"Oh, did you want me to send her a message?" James asked. "Just ask her out for me."  
  
"You're going to do it like that?" Remus scoffed.  
  
"How would you suggest I do it?"   
  
"Meet with her alone," Remus began, "and gently whisper it to her."  
  
"Alright then," James surrendered. "Tell her to meet me."  
  
Remus went back over to Lily.  
  
"He wants you to meet him tonight," Remus told her.  
  
"Really?" Lily screeched. "He wants to meet with me!"  
  
"Oh my gosh!" her fiend exclaimed. "That's like totally romantic."  
  
"Where does he want to meet?" Lily queried.  
  
Remus thought a moment. Where was the most romantic spot in Hogwarts castle? A corridor would be too public. A classroom was too sterile. Closets are definitely not romantic. Gryffindor common room was much too common. Owlry was noisy and covered in feathers and crud. Remus thought the best place would be the tower. There was a tower that nobody knew how to get to but Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James. It was where they held their secret meetings. It was the Perfect place.  
  
"Meet him by the hawk wizard at midnight," Remus told her.  
  
"Hawk wizard?" Lily repeated.  
  
"Yes, that tall wizard statue," Remus described. "It's on the sixth floor. He has this large hawk on his shoulder."  
  
"Tell him that I'll be there," Lily requested.  
  
Remus nodded and turned.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
He looked back.  
  
"Thank you," Lily said, smiling at him. "This means a lot to me."  
  
Remus couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Anything for you," he said. 


	7. Things That Happen

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
A/N: This is my longest chapter so far. I might have extreme variations between chapter sizes. Just thought I would warn you, just in case.  
  
Disclaimer: I made up Sara Moone, Professor Crauwel, and Professor Trepid, but that's it.  
  
Chapter Seven: Things that Happen  
  
The gang had Defense Against the Dark Arts early the next morning. Sirius, Peter, and Remus got up together, ate breakfast together, and then went to class together. All actions didn't involve James. None of the guys had seen James. He was gone from his bed earlier then everyone else, and he wasn't in the Great Hall. Remus was wondering how James' and Lily's rendezvous went. Did he ask her out? Did she say yes? Did she realize what a cad he was and say no?  
  
Remus, Peter, and Sirius sat in consecutive desks. Remus noticed that Lily's blond friend came in alone and sat behind his group. If Lily was missing and James was missing, that could only mean one thing. Lily and James were still together. Remus let out a futile sigh.  
  
"It's time for class to begin," the professor announced.  
  
He seemed to just appear out of the shadows. His dark grey robes matched his short mustache and pointed beard perfectly. He was bald on top with extra bushy eyebrows that were lodged against his pale grey eyes.  
  
"I will call role now," He snarled, the left side of his mouth twitching.  
  
The professor proceeded to call names. Sirius responded to his name with "right here!" Lily's name came unanswered. Remus said "present" when his name was called. Lily's friend answered to "Sara Moone".   
  
"Peter Pettigrew," the professor muttered.  
  
"Here," Peter replied, holding up his hand.  
  
Just before the professor went on to the next name, the door opened. James entered first, followed by Lily. They were holding hands.  
  
"Sorry we're late, Professor Crauwel," James said.  
  
Lily hid behind him, either embarrassed or scared.  
  
"Have a seat," Professor Crauwel commanded.  
  
James and Lily parted. James sat beside Peter, and Lily settled herself with Sara Moone, which happened to be right behind Remus.  
  
"James Potter," Crauwel said, continuing the role.  
  
"Here, sir," James answered.  
  
"I am marking you tardy, Potter," Crauwel informed.  
  
"But, Professor," James began, "I was here before my name was called."  
  
"Tardiness will not be tolerated," Crauwel snapped. "I will not over look it next time."  
  
"Yes, sir," James said, sitting back in his chair.  
  
"You will be taking notes today," Professor Crauwel informed. "Take out a quill and parchment and make a note of everything I mention."  
  
Professor Crauwel stood at his podium and started talking. ("As a source of protection from a perpetual curse, one would need to have a supply of Futec's blood and a knowledge of the acquantus charm.") The words he said seemed to swim around in Remus' head. It didn't seem to make much sense. Remus was distracted from his drowning in protective spells and charms by the whispering behind him.  
  
"I went and found hawk wizard, right?" Lily told Sara. "The hall was empty. I was afraid that James had stood me up."  
  
Remus would finally hear about what happened the night before. This isn't how he had expected to hear it. He really shouldn't have been listening. It was eaves-dropping. It was wrong. He simply had to know what had happened, though. He kept listening.  
  
"Then he jumps out from behind the statue, holding a rose," Lily continued.   
  
"How cute?" Sara giggled.  
  
"Then he puts this blindfold on me," Lily went on. "It was so romantic. He took my hand and led me up some stairs. I don't know where the stairs came form. There weren't any near the hawk wizard."  
  
"So then what?" Sara urged.  
  
"When James take off the blindfold," Lily began, "we were...Oh, it was like floating."  
  
"What was like floating?" Sara asked.  
  
"Standing out there, standing in the sky," Lily sighed.  
  
"What?" Sara questioned, confused.  
  
"We were on a tower," Lily explained. "It was a tower that no one else has ever been to. It had an open top and low walls so we could gaze in every direction at the stars."  
  
"Oh, wow," Sara gasped.  
  
"That's where it happened," Lily told her. "That's where he took me in his arms. He whispered that we should be together."  
  
"Did he kiss you?" Sara asked.  
  
Remus held his breath.  
  
"Well, no," Lily replied. "I didn't want him to."  
  
Remus almost jumped up and shouted "hooray!". Luckily, he restrained himself.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I think that kissing is a step that should be taken later," Lily explained. "I like to take things slow."  
  
"Oh, Lily," Sara began, "you're so weird. If I had James Potter alone on a tower, I would be all over him."  
  
"Man, I like this guy," Sirius laughed, elbowing Remus.  
  
"What, who?" Remus questioned.  
  
"Professor Crauwel," Sirius answered.  
  
"Why, what'd he do?" Remus asked.  
  
"He just called Snape a greaseball," Sirius told him. "Have you been in your own little world again?"  
  
************  
  
The gang casually headed for the Great Hall with pockets full of powdered wolfsbane from Potions class. The professor didn't suspect a thing. The Great Hall was full of students, as it was every lunch period. Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter sat in their usual spot. All but Peter merely picked at their food. Peter had a plate full and was scarfing it down.  
  
"We need to stew the potion with this wolfsbane until the cobwebs and ground newt's eyes are blended," James read from an advanced Potions book they had gotten from the library last year.  
  
"Sounds good," Sirius commented. "Except, how do we know when they're blended?"  
  
"Ummm," James began, scanning the book.  
  
Just then, Lily came up behind James and put her hands over his eyes.  
  
"Guess who," she whispered.  
  
James immediately shut the book. Sirius glanced at Remus and Peter insecurely.   
  
"Lily?" James guessed, quite sure he was right.  
  
"How'd you guess?" Lily giggled, taking her hands away from James' eyes.  
  
James quickly took her hands and leaned his head back to look up into her face. They smiled at each other. Remus was feeling a bit hot. Why couldn't she say hi and move on? Why did she always linger and gaze at James? Gaze at James...instead of Remus.   
  
"I don't mean to interrupt," Remus said, "but we do have work to do."  
  
"I'm sorry," Lily apologized, looking around at everyone. "I came in in the middle of a conversation, didn't I?"  
  
"Well, yes," James answered.  
  
"I'll talk to you later then," Lily whispered to James, leaning near enough to kiss him, but then backing off and leaving.  
  
Remus, Peter, and Sirius looked at James, who returned his attention to the book.  
  
"What?" He exclaimed.  
  
"Have you made out?" Peter asked James, sounding quite excited.  
  
"With who?" James asked.  
  
"Lily, numb skull," Sirius defined.  
  
"Not yet," James began. "It seems that she's holding out on me."  
  
"Of course she is," Remus muttered.  
  
James, Peter, and Sirius looked at him.  
  
"James," he went on, "not every girl will fall in your lap. Did it ever occur to you that some girls aren't that facile? Have a little patience and some class."  
  
Peter and Sirius looked at each other. James just stared.  
  
"Are you feeling alright, Mooney?" James asked.  
  
"Maybe, he's suffering from P.W.S., pre werewolf syndrome," Sirius guessed.  
  
Peter chuckled.  
  
The Great Hall doors slammed open. All eyes went to the intruder. It was Professor Trepid, the graying and big-nosed Arithmacy teacher. He ran to the back of the hall where the teacher's table lie. Professor Trepid leaned over the table and whispered something to Dumbledore. The other teachers gathered around the bearded headmaster to hear the news. There were a number of gasps when Professor Trepid had finished. Dumbledore stood up, stroking his white whiskers.  
  
"Attention students," he said, roughly.  
  
There was no need for these words since all the students had already been straining to hear the professor's message.   
  
"There is news from the Ministry," Dumbledore went on. "Yesterday, the Dark Lord Voldemort inflamated the secret Auror base in Ireland. Many people died in that fire; Many fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons. It is worse then that. If the Dark Lord knew where the secret headquarters were then he must have some ally in the Ministry. This ally has to be quite high to have known the information to tell Voldemort. All wizardkind is in danger."  
  
There were a number of gasps and sobs from the student body. Remus, quite distraught, scanned the teachers for their reactions. Maybe he would find one without worry; One with some ray of hope shinning. He found such a one. It was Professor Crauwel. He didn't look worried. As a matter of fact, he seemed awfully glad. His twitching lips were pressed into an evil smile. Why was a Hogwarts professor smiling at such horrible news?  
  
"Everything is fine here," Dumbledore assured everyone. "There is nothing to fear. Voldemort would have no reason to come here. It's just a school. What would he want with a school?"  
  
Somehow, Dumbledore wasn't convincing. He didn't even look convinced himself. 


	8. Firelight

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
A/N: To Renegade, I don't mind being refered to as Miss Shay, but you can also call me Lina. I thankful to have such a faithful fan. Have you already read my other HP fanfic?   
  
Chapter eight: Firelight  
  
Remus returned to Gryffindor tower the next full moon, quite worn out and ragged-looking. He climbed the steps weakly and just groaned the password to the portrait of the fat lady. The portrait swung open and Remus dragged his feet as he fit himself through the portrait hole. He was surprised to see that the fire was still lit. The firelight glinted on the red hair of a person sitting near the fireplace reading. Slowly, he made his way over there to see if it was who he thought. He rounded on the figure who was indeed Lily Evans. She was reading a book.   
  
"Mind if I sit?" he asked, plopping down beside her on the couch.  
  
Lily looked over her book at him as he let out a long tired sigh.  
  
"Feeling alright?" Lily asked.  
  
"Just great," Remus muttered.  
  
"Give me your feet," Lily said as she put down her book.  
  
Remus wasn't sure he had heard her right.  
  
"Did you say that you wanted my feet?" He queried.  
  
"Yes," she confirmed, smiling.  
  
Still confused, Remus backed against the arm of the couch and propped his feet on Lily's lap. He felt very odd doing so. Lily began to untie Remus' shoe laces.  
  
"What are you doing?" He asked.  
  
"Something my grandma taught me," Lily told him, dropping his shoes on the flood and then pulling off his tattered grey socks.  
  
"And what is that?" Remus questioned.  
  
"My grandma believes that any stress in your body can be released through messuaging certain areas on your feet," Lily explained, cracking her knuckles.  
  
"A foot messuage?" Remus concluded. "Isn't that really personal?"  
  
Lily smiled at Remus, her bright green eyes sparkling, "We're friends, aren't we?"  
  
Lily ran her fingertips up and down his feet gently. Remus cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"Ticklish?" Lily guessed, looking quite amused by his reaction.  
  
"No, I'm not ticklish," Remus assured her.  
  
Lily, giggled, beginning to press her thumbs into Remus' left arch. She slowly moved her thumbs in a circular motion.  
  
"So, why are you so stressed?" Lily asked.  
  
"Stressed? Who says I'm stressed?" Remus retorted.  
  
"I can feel it through your feet," Lily told him.  
  
"I've got something on my mind," Remus explained.  
  
"Anything I can help with?" Lily queried.  
  
"I don't think so," Remus said. "My problems are...personal."  
  
"Girls, is it?" Lily assumed. "James told me that you don't date very much."  
  
'Thank you, James,' Remus thought, quite troubled by the fact that James would tell Lily something like that.  
  
"I could set you up with someone," Lily offered.  
  
"That's alright," Remus began. "I really don't need to be set up."  
  
"I don't doubt it," Lily said. "I was actually surprised when James told me you didn't date."  
  
"Surprised?" Remus repeated. "Why were you surprised?"  
  
"Because you're such a sweet person," Lily explained. "And you're so cute."  
  
Remus gawked at Lily, unable to believe what she just said. He had never thought of himself as cute. Hearing that he was from a girl, especially the queen of his heart, was quite shocking.  
  
Lily worked her thumbs up Remus' foot and stared off into space.  
  
"You know what I think is weird?" Lily asked, still starring. "Professor Crauwel was smiling when Dumbledore announced that Voldemort took out that Auror base."  
  
Remus was surprised that Lily had noticed the same thing that he did.  
  
"I thought that was weird too," Remus said coincidentally.  
  
"What d'you think is up with him?" Lily questioned, resting her arms on Remus' legs and staring into his eyes.  
  
"I have no idea," Remus admitted.  
  
Lily sat back again and returned to messuaging Remus' feet.  
  
"D'you think he's not who everyone thinks he is?" asked Lily.  
  
"Could be," Remus replied.  
  
"Well, anyway," Lily began, "how are you feeling now?"  
  
Remus thought a second. How was he feeling? He was feeling fine. More then that, he felt great. He wasn't tired or tense. He wasn't all sore.   
  
Lily smiled at his amazed face.  
  
"Didn't I tell you?" She giggled.  
  
"I'm impressed," Remus complimented.   
  
Lily gently pushed Remus' legs to the ground.  
  
"You know what's even weirder?" She said, leaning toward him. "James is totally taken with this guy. I mean, he likes him. He thinks he's so cool."  
  
"Crauwel?" Remus assumed. "Yeah, Sirius and Peter like him too. I don't even know the guy."  
  
"I think he's creepy," Lily whispered, rubbing her arms as if she had just gotten a chill. "I don't like him at all."  
  
"Don't worry," Remus told her. "It's like Dumbledore said, we're perfectly safe here."  
  
Lily smiled. She threw her arms around Remus and hugged him. After he had gotten over the stun of it, Remus hugged back. 


	9. The Animagi Potion

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Disclaimer: I made up Jory. All else not previously mentioned to be mine, belongs to J. K. Rowling.  
  
Chapter Nine: The Animagi Potion  
  
Remus was nervous around James the next day. He was afraid that a foot messuage and a hug was in some way cheating. James, Sirius, and Peter didn't even notice his apprehension as they headed for Transfiguration. Professor McGonagal, the transfigurations mistress, eyed them leerily as they took their seats. They had been known to make quite a ruckus in her class.  
  
"Get into groups of...four," she instructed, reluctant to say "four" knowing that Sirius, Peter, James, and Remus would stay together.   
  
The assignment was to turn a chair into a Great Dane. James did this quickly, being very talented in transfiguration, and then they went to planning.  
  
"We should check on the Animagi potion tonight," Sirius suggested. "We don't want to stew it for too long."  
  
"Good idea," Peter fawned.  
  
"Great Dane," Lily complimented behind them, giggling to herself.  
  
Remus felt his stomach lurch.  
  
"Hey, babe," James greeted. "Done already?"  
  
"You aren't the only one good with transfiguration," Lily informed him, making herself comfortable on his lap.  
  
Remus took a breath, trying not to look directly at them.  
  
"What are you guys discussing?" Lily asked.  
  
"Nothing important," Sirius fabricated. "Just homework assignments."  
  
"Oh, Binns' essay'll be a killer," Lily voiced.  
  
"The one on post-modern runic societies?" Remus asked.  
  
"That's the one," Lily confirmed.  
  
"I have mine finished," Remus boasted.  
  
"Maybe you could help me out," Lily suggested.  
  
"Er...no," Remus said uncomfortably, "we, guys, have something planned tonight."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
Sirius glared at Remus. He just shrugged.  
  
"We are contemplating the constructiveness of the Cunjunctivitus Curse," James blurted.  
  
"Fun," Lily said sarcastically. "Maybe Sara'll help me with it."  
  
Lily got up from James' lap and rounded him.  
  
"No kiss?" James pleaded.  
  
Lily just smiled and continued back to her friend.  
  
"About the Animagi potion," Remus grumbled.   
  
"Yeah, James," Sirius added, "get your head back on planet earth."  
  
"You guys are just jealous because I have a girl like Lily," James told them.  
  
He was right, in Remus' case anyway.   
  
*************  
  
That night, Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus snuck out of Gryffindor tower under James' invisibility cloak. It was a tight squeeze. Remus was sure that people could see shoes walking around without owners.   
  
They made their way up to the hawk wizard on the sixth floor. James tapped the wizard's nose and said, "Admitis." The statue swung aside and the guys walked up a stone staircase. James pulled the cloak off of them and stuffed it in his robes as they reached the trap door that led to the tower. Peter pushed it open. Their Animagi potion was stewing in a pot that was suspended over a small fire.  
  
"How'd you hide this from Lily?" Sirius asked, peering at the grey slop inside the caldron.   
  
"My cloak," James said simply, pulling the advanced potions book from his robes.  
  
Peter jumped on his stumpy legs to get a look at the book while Sirius just leaned over James' shoulder. Remus stared at the steaming grey muck and watched as a putrid shade of yellow bled into it.  
  
"James," Remus began apprehensively, "it's turning yellow. What does that mean?"   
  
James got a look of dismay on his face and then buried his nose in the potions book.  
  
"It..it means," James sputtered. "It means that the cobwebs and ground newt's eyes are blended."  
  
"Now what?" Peter squeaked in alarm.  
  
"We..er..we have to," James turned a few pages forward. Then he turned pages back. He ran his finger down the page he was on and then continued, "We have to freeze it for three months exactly, to the minute."  
  
Sirius checked his watch quickly.  
  
"This is so complicated," Peter whined. "What if we mess up?"  
  
"Let's just freeze it, alright?" Remus said with a bit of ire in his voice.  
  
Peter nodded.  
  
"Where will we find a freezer that is big enough to hold this thing?" Sirius asked. "And added to that, no one can know it's there."  
  
"Is there any way we can bribe the house elves to keep it a secret?" Peter suggested.  
  
"How do you bribe a house elf, blockhead?" Sirius spat at him.  
  
Peter flinched as if Sirius had hit him again.  
  
"You know," Remus began, "house elves are very compliant. If we tell them not to tell anyone, they probably wont."  
  
"Alright," James mumbled, "how on earth will we get this thing to the kitchen?"  
  
The group looked at each other.   
  
It was decided that they would use the invisible cloak. James reluctantly threw the cloak over the old cauldron ("If this muck splashes on my cloak-"). Peter held the trap door open as Remus, followed by James and Sirius carrying the invisible cloak, ran down the stone steps and tapped the brick wall with his wand, saying, "Disadmitis!" The wall swung open. Remus, Sirius, and James hurried out the opening, Peter scurrying after them. They closed the statue behind them and walked down the corridor.  
  
"Boys!" a voice exclaimed behind them.  
  
Sirius and James stiffly and casually set the shrouded cauldron on the ground. Remus glanced behind them. Professor Crauwel stood glaring at them with the side of lip twitching. Peter hid behind Remus.  
  
"Hey there, Professor," Sirius greeted, seeming relieved.  
  
Remus was more panicked knowing it was Crauwel.  
  
"What are you boys doing out at this hour?" asked Crauwel through his teeth.  
  
"Getting a bedtime snack," James lied. "You know how it is."  
  
Professor Crauwel's tic went wild.  
  
"Really, you ought to get back to your house," he said.  
  
"Please," Sirius uncharacteristically begged. "We must get to the kitchens."  
  
"May I ask why?" Crauwel grumbled.  
  
"No," Remus blurted. "It is of a private nature."  
  
"Indeed," Crauwel muttered. "I do believe that Gryffindor tower will not miss you. Nor will I, so get out of my sight."  
  
"Yes, sir," the four boys said in unison like cadets in a military academy.  
  
James and Sirius made like they were tying their shoes to grab the handles of the cauldron. They continued off.  
  
"I was worried that he was going to give us detention," Remus told the others when they were out of earshot.  
  
"Crauwel would never," Sirius assured him.  
  
"Yeah, he's cool," James added.  
  
"You must be insane," Remus commented. "He's harsh and..and creepy."  
  
"He's just a little rough around the edges," James explained.  
  
"He acts that way to intimidate people," Sirius said. "Inside, he's just a marauder."  
  
"Yeah," James laughed, "like us."  
  
"We're marauders?" Peter asked, surprised.  
  
"'Course," Sirius replied. "Long live the marauders."  
  
Remus was worried. His announcement was a bit loud. What if someone heard?  
  
"Don't get too excited," James warned Sirius. "I don't want my cloak getting slashed on."  
  
"Mooney," Peter began quietly, "what's a marauder?"  
  
"It's like a outlaw or rule breaker," Remus explained.  
  
The marauders carried the cauldron all the way down to the entrance hall. Remus was apprehensive the whole time, worried they might bump into a less gracious teacher. They continued down stone steps to the left of the main staircase and down a stone corridor. Remus scanned the many paintings in the hall, looking for the bowl of fruit. They found it halfway down the corridor. Remus, being the only one with free hands and who was tall enough, rubbed the large green pare. It squirmed and giggled until it transformed into a green door handle. Remus, then, pulled the painting open and held it open for Sirius, James, and Peter to enter.  
  
Hundreds of house elves, with funny little faces, hustled and bustled about the large kitchen. A quite chubby elf with a pale purple skin came up to the four guys and blinked her round eyes.  
  
"What may Jory do for misters?" she asked, rubbing her hotdog-shaped nose.  
  
"We need a large freezer," James told her.  
  
"It needs to have loads of space," Sirius added.  
  
"It can't be disturbed either," Remus went on.  
  
"And it must be kept secret," squeaked Peter.  
  
Jory's orb-like eyes glanced from one of the boys to another until she had scanned all of their faces. Then she wiped her hands on her ruffly apron and smiled.  
  
"Jory know just the place," She told them.  
  
The boys followed the house elf to a large back room. It was like a freezer of a butcher shop. It was it's own room, filled with racks of beef and other meats. Remus could see his breath as he entered the room.  
  
"Good place?" Jory asked.  
  
"Real good," Sirius complimented, helping James set the cauldron in the corner.  
  
James pulled his cloak off of the cauldron, causing it to become visible, and stuffed his cloak in his robes. Jory blinked in astonishment.  
  
"Don't touch it," Sirius commanded, shaking his finger at her. "Tell all the house elves not to tamper with it and not to tell anyone about it. Understand?"  
  
Jory nodded. 


	10. Ditching James

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Ten: Ditching James  
  
The day of the year's first Hogsmeade trip came up fast. Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter were quite excited about it all. Sirius went on and on about the pranks they could pull with the things at Zonko's jokes shop.   
  
Hours before the trip was scheduled, Remus and Peter were relaxing on a couch while Sirius and James were sitting in the corner, playing exploding snap.  
  
"I'm looking forward to Honeydukes Sweet Shop," Peter voiced.  
  
"You would," Remus laughed.  
  
"They have this new candy called Berty Blotts Every Flavor Jelly Beans," Peter announced. "It'll be lovely."  
  
"Every flavor?" Remus repeated. "They can't claim that. They should just list their flavors."  
  
"No, it's what it says," Peter explained. "They are supposed to have a bean for every existing flavor."  
  
"No way," Remus disagreed, "there's no way they have every flavor. You wouldn't eat a blood sausage-flavored one, would you?"   
  
"I like blood sausage," Peter squeaked happily.  
  
"You would."  
  
Just then, Lily came running across the common room toward then. She stood, breathing, in front of the couch for a while. Her hair was slightly blustery from the run and she had urgency written across her face. Peter looked quite perplexed.   
  
"Remus," She panted, "you won't believe what I heard."  
  
"What's that?" Remus asked.  
  
Lily glanced at Peter indicatingly. Remus, nodded, understanding what she was trying to convey.  
  
"Peter," Remus began, "why don't you go watch Sirius and James?"  
  
"Why?" Peter asked, suspiciously.  
  
"I just think you should play winner," Remus explained.  
  
"I'm not good at exploding snap," Peter whined. "You know that."  
  
"Maybe if you watched more games then you would get better," Remus suggested.  
  
"And if you play winner, you can get in some practice," Lily added.  
  
Remus and Lily smiled at each other and then looked back at Peter. He had a quite confused look on his face. He glanced from Lily to Remus, suspiciously.  
  
"Alright, Mooney," Peter agreed, standing from the couch.  
  
He watched the two as he walked across the common room.  
  
"I think he suspects something," Lily voiced.  
  
"Don't worry about him," Remus advised. "He'll never find anything out."  
  
"D'you think we should tell one of the teachers about Crauwel?" Lily asked.  
  
"No," Remus replied, "they would never believe us over him."  
  
Lily gazed off toward the corner of the room. Peter was looking back, but immediately focused on the game. Lily sat on the couch, next to Remus.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" she began.  
  
"Sure," Remus allowed, curiously.  
  
"Why do James and them call you Mooney?" Lily queried.  
  
Remus took a breath. He wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't tell her the truth. If she knew he howled at the moon, she would go bazerk and think he was dangerous. Remus had to make something up.  
  
"I am...said to resemble the man in the moon," Remus lied.  
  
Lily started laughing hysterically.  
  
"You simply have to be kidding!" she laughed.  
  
"I was a pale child," Remus explained. "I had to grow into my head. It use to be huge."  
  
Lily continued laughing. Remus couldn't help but chuckle a little too. Lily's babbling brook laugh was contagious. Remus and Lily both calmed down and Lily leaned back against the arm of the couch and squinted at Remus.  
  
"You do tend to be a little pale," Lily informed. "I have been noticing it from that day on the train. Of course, you haven't been that pale since."  
  
Remus just shrugged, smiling nervously.  
  
"What was it you wanted to tell me?" He asked.  
  
"Oh, I almost forgot," Lily said as she scooted closer to Remus. She lowered her voice, "I heard that Professor Crauwel volunteered to chaperon the Hogsmeade trip."  
  
"Volunteer?" Remus repeated. "Why would he?"  
  
"Don't know," Lily admitted, "but I think that he's up to something."  
  
"Maybe one of us should follow him," Remus suggested.  
  
"I think we both should," Lily told him, glancing down. "After all, if there is something to find out about this, we should do it together."  
  
"Well," Remus began, "how'll you get away from James?"  
  
"How'll you get away from Sirius and Peter?" Lily retorted.  
  
"We should think this all out logically," Remus told her.  
  
"We do have the time," Lily said, smiling at him.  
  
Remus smiled back.  
  
***************  
  
All students met in the Great Hall before the trip. Lily and Remus kept glancing at each other. Remus was getting really nervous. What if they were right and Crauwel was not really a professor? They could be in danger if he found them following him. Plus, what if James caught Lily and Remus sneaking off together? That wouldn't look very good.  
  
Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat. The room fell silent.  
  
"Good day, students," Dumbledore began. "I know you are all anxious to get to Hogsmeade so I'll be as brief as I can. Professor Filch would like to have some things announced and you know how long that always takes."  
  
Dumbledore chuckled to himself.  
  
"There are some things to be forbidden from the school halls," Dumbledore went on, reading off a list. "Item one, Filibuster Fireworks. Item two, Everlasting Bubblegum. Item three, Nose-biting Teacups. Item four, Screaming Nickels. Item five, Rubber vomit..."  
  
Dumbledore went on and on. All the while, Sirius was writing something.  
  
"What are you doing?" Remus asked him, whispering.  
  
"Making a list," Sirius informed.  
  
"Of things we can't buy?" Remus assumed.  
  
"No, of things we are going to," Sirius said, smiling mischievously.  
  
After twenty-three items, Dumbledore stopped, scanning the foot or so of parchment he had to read from.  
  
"Well," he continued, "I think that's all that needs to be mentioned for now. We can post a list so you'll know the rest. Have a wonderful trip to Hogsmeade. You are all dismissed."  
  
The students got up excitedly and rushed for the doors. Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter remained a group as they made their way to the Entrance Hall. Lily, Sara, and a few other girls passed the marauders.  
  
"Hey, Lil!" James called out.  
  
Lily turned around and waved to him.  
  
"Meet me at the Three Broomsticks!" James told her.  
  
She nodded to him and then glanced at Remus and nodded again. Remus nodded back.  
  
All the students walked in various groups out of the front gate. Peter nudged Remus in the ribs.  
  
"Why d'you hang with Lily so much?" He whispered.  
  
"Well," Remus began, trying to think of something, "if Lily is going to be James girlfriend for a while then I thought I should become friends with her."  
  
"James never has a girlfriend for very long," Peter informed.  
  
"This might be different," Remus told him, saddening at the thought.  
  
"What was it that she wanted to tell you, then?" Peter asked.  
  
"She heard that-" Remus breathed, "James was going to break up with her and I set her straight."  
  
Peter didn't seem satisfied, but he let it go.  
  
When the Howarts students got to Hogsmeade, Remus looked around for Lily. James started heading for the Three Broomsticks. Remus followed quickly. Peter went after them. Sirius noticed that everyone had left his side and sprinted toward them.  
  
"Where are we going?" Sirius blurted. "I thought we were buying prohibited pranks."  
  
"I don't know where you all are going," James shot back at the rest, "but I'm meeting Lily."  
  
"I thought we were going to sit down and have butterbeer," Remus shrugged. "Maybe we could talk about the whole Animagi thing."  
  
Peter looked at Remus nervously and then at James.  
  
"I'm going to Zonko's if nobody minds," Sirius grumbled.  
  
"Of course we don't mind," James replied. "Why don't you all go to Zonko's so that I can be alone with Lily?"  
  
"Peter and I had our hearts set on butterbeer," Remus informed, putting his arm around Peter.  
  
James sighed.  
  
Sirius went off toward Zonko's while the rest went into the Three Broomsticks. James and Remus spotted Lily at the same time. She was seated at the bar with Sara and her friends.   
  
"Could you guys keep your distance?" James pleaded.  
  
"Sure," Remus said.  
  
"Hey, Lily," James greeted her.  
  
Remus had not backed off.  
  
"James," Lily giggled. "Excuse me, girls."  
  
James took Lily's hand and they went over to a table and sat down. Remus pulled Peter to the next table over, behind James so that he wouldn't see that they were there.  
  
"Lily," James began, "you look so beautiful today."  
  
"Thank you," she giggled.  
  
"And I really like you," James told her.  
  
"I like you, too," Lily smiled.  
  
"My friends like you," James said.  
  
Remus was getting bored. Where was James getting with this chatter?   
  
"I like your friends," Lily replied, sounding kind of bored herself.  
  
"Especially Remus," James accused.  
  
Peter opened his mouth. Remus quickly shoved his hand over it, listening intently.   
  
"What d'you mean?" Lily asked.  
  
"You seem to spend a lot of time with Remus, that's all," James explained.  
  
"He's my friend," Lily assured him. "He's the one that got us together and all."  
  
"I just wonder what you two talk about all the time."  
  
"You mostly," Lily told him, smiling and taking his hand.  
  
Remus clenched his teeth.  
  
"I ask him stuff about you," Lily went on. "I mean, there are some things that you can't tell about a guy from being his girlfriend. Things that only a close friend would know."  
  
"Like what?" James asked.  
  
"Just you," Lily said. "Guys act differently around girls then they do around their friends. And that's how I'd like to know you. If I could be your girlfriend and your friend then we'd have the closest relationship that two people could have with each other. They always say that it works out best if you start as friends."  
  
"But we didn't start as friends," James told her.   
  
"That's why I am becoming your friend now," Lily explained. "I really want us to last."  
  
'Uh-oh,' Remus thought. He knew if Lily started talking about being serious then James would freak out and end things. Remus really wasn't sure how he felt about it. If James broke up with Lily, it would break her heart. Remus wouldn't be able to see her in pain, especially caused by his friend that he got her together with. On the other hand, if they broke up, Remus would actually have a chance. Now that he didn't act like a complete idiot around her, he might be able to ask her out. It was a real struggle.  
  
To Remus' surprise, James didn't even respond to what Lily had said. Instead, he stared at Lily for a long time. She smiled, but Remus couldn't tell what James' expression was.  
  
"Lily," James began, "could we hang out together?"  
  
"For a few more minutes," Lily told him.  
  
"I meant for the rest of the trip," James informed her.  
  
"I'm sorry, James," Lily apologized. "I told Sara that I would be with her. See, she isn't getting along with her parents. She really needs me."  
  
"I need you too," James told her, begging.  
  
"I'll see you when we get back to Hogwarts," Lily whispered.  
  
She stood up, kissed James on the cheek, and returned to the bar. That was Remus' que.  
  
"Ohh," he groaned.  
  
James spun around.  
  
"Remus, I thought I told you to give us our space," James snapped.  
  
"We were just-OHHHH," Remus grabbed his side and made a sore face.  
  
"What's wrong?" James asked urgently. "It's too early in the month for you, isn't it?"  
  
"I don't know," Remus murmured. "Maybe something's wrong."  
  
"D'you think we should go to Madam Epdac?" James asked.  
  
"No, no," Remus sputtered. "The Shrieking Shack is near. I'll just go there."  
  
"We can walk you," James offered, standing up.   
  
Peter remained silent through the conversation.  
  
"That's alright," Remus breathed. "It's in early stages. I can make it on my own."  
  
Remus glanced at the bar and saw that Lily and her friends had left.   
  
"I'll go now-OHHHHH!" Remus got off his chair and stumbled through the door.   
  
He glanced up and down the street. Lily peaked out from behind a Cafe. Remus ran toward her and around the corner. He leaned against the wall.  
  
"Are they coming out?" He asked Lily.  
  
"No," she laughed, looking at him. "So that playing sick thing you were talking about actually worked?"  
  
"Of course it did," Remus began. "Why wouldn't it?"  
  
"I didn't know you were that good of an actor," Lily said.  
  
"You never seen me at it," Remus replied.   
  
She just laughed.  
  
"And what about that stuff with Sara?" Remus asked. "Was that true?"  
  
"Well, some of it," Lily told him. "Sara isn't getting along with her parents because they don't like the guy that she's dating. He's a muggle. Anyway, she could really care less what the think. She wants to marry him."  
  
"Marry a muggle?" Remus repeated. "Can you imagine?"  
  
"I think it's crazy," Lily voiced. "And his name is Finnigan. I mean, who would want that for a last name?"  
  
"It's no worse then Lupin," Remus muttered.  
  
"Lupin isn't a bad last name," Lily assured him. "Some girls would like to have it."  
  
Remus and Lily looked at each other for a moment and then they looked away.  
  
"Maybe we should find Crauwel," Remus suggested.  
  
"Good idea," Lily agreed.   
  
A/N: Alright, I said that Berty Blotts Every Flavor Jelly Beans were a new item even though in the first book, it says that Dumbledore ate them in his youth. Have you guys gotten the whole Finnigan thing? (lol) I thought it was a funny addition. 


	11. The Servile Crauwel

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
A/N: Just so you all know, I tend to update quickly and only if I have review of my recent chapter(s). So please review and check up on my story often for new chapters.  
  
Chapter Eleven: The Servile Crauwel  
  
"If I were a evil professor in Hogsmeade, where would I go?" Remus asked himself as he and Lily walked cautiously down the street, looking for Crauwel.  
  
"How about a joke shop?" Lily suggested.  
  
Remus chuckled and then continued his contemplating.   
  
"You're not even going to check the joke shop?" Lily asked, sounding slightly hurt.  
  
"Really, Lily," Remus began, turning to her, "why would Crauwel be at a joke shop?"  
  
"Why don't you ask him?" Lily challenged, pointing toward Zonko's.  
  
Remus looked in the direction of her pointing. Surely enough, Professor Crauwel was standing next to the Zonko's. He glanced down the street and then started off in the opposite direction of the Shrieking Shack. Crauwel suddenly stopped, looking at his watch. Lily and Remus sprinted to a inset doorway. Remus peeked out at Crauwel. He jerked his bald head around, scanning for witnesses. For an instant, Crauwel seemed to look right into Remus' eyes. Remus backed against the door.  
  
"What?" Lily asked, searching his face with anxiety.  
  
"I think he saw me," Remus whispered.  
  
Lily then peeked around the doorway. She turned back.  
  
"He's gone."  
  
"Gone?" Remus repeated.  
  
Lily and James both stuck their heads out of the doorway. Lily was right. There was no sign of Professor Crauwel.   
  
Remus and Lily walked out into the street. A soft dust rose as they slowly made their way to where they had seen Crauwel last.  
  
"Where d'you think he went?" Lily asked, glancing around Hogsmeade.  
  
Remus just shrugged.  
  
"Dusty day, isn't it?" Lily commented, kicking the loose dirt.  
  
"Dusty," Remus repeated, looking at the ground. "That's it."  
  
"What?" Lily asked.  
  
Remus crouched down and searched. It wasn't long before he found footsteps that seemed to be newer then the many other footprints. The prints led to a small alley next to Simon Crockstead's Variety Store. Remus pointed this out to Lily.  
  
"Should we look?" Lily asked, her voice shaking.  
  
Remus nodded, trying to swallow a large lump that was building up in his throat. Lily held out her hand. Reluctantly, Remus took it. They snuck to the edge of the corner. Remus looked at Lily, who stood right beside him. She crouched down. They both glanced down the alley at the same moment.  
  
Crauwel stood near the end of the alley. He stared at the brick wall, anxiously tapping his fingers together.   
  
A wind came from no where. Crauwel's robes swished and slapped in the breeze. Remus felt his hair ruffle. Suddenly, the brick wall at the end of the alley began to shine brilliantly, blinding Remus and Lily. A dark figure appeared in the midst of the blazing wall. As the person stepped forward, the light behind him went dark, just as quickly as one blows out a candle.  
  
The man was very tall and less then muscluar. His cold grey eyes were suspiciously identicle to Crauwel's. His nose was quite flat for how deeply featured his face was. The way his cheekbones and chin were formed, he might as well been made out of marble. His skin was severly tanned and his flat, shoulder-length hair was jet black.  
  
"Ah, Crauwel," the man cooed in a grumbly voice. "I am pleased that I didn't have to destroy you for not showing."  
  
"Master," Crauwel kneeled, uncharacteristically servile. "I could never disobey you."  
  
"That's very good," the man approved. "Now, Crauwel, I want Hogwarts."  
  
Crauwel looked up, asking, "Why, Master? What is a school to someone like you?"  
  
The man clenched his teeth and closed his long fingers into tight fists.  
  
"I went to that school, Crauwel," he growled. "It's Dumbeldore's school and he will pay."  
  
"You want the school just to spite Dumbledore?" Crauwel asked.  
  
"Don't question me!" The man yelled.  
  
"Yes," Crauwel began, touching his face to the ground. "I will help you get the school, Lord Voldemort."  
  
Lily gasped sharply.  
  
"I have a plan," Voldemort announced. "I can get my school."  
  
"But what about Dumbledore?" Crauwel asked.  
  
"I'll take care of him," Voldemort assured. "Make sure top be in your classroom on Christmas night. I will contact you there."  
  
"Yes, Master," Crauwel said, keeping low to the ground.  
  
The blinding light shone behind Voldemort again. Remus grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her away from the alley. They walked casually until they were a safe distance form the alley. Lily took in a sharp breath and let herself fall to the ground in a sitting position. Remus knelt beside her. Tears were willing up in her eyes.  
  
"Lily?" Remus said softly. "Lily, it's alright."  
  
"How can you say that?" She cried. "Nothing is alright."  
  
"We can stay here for Christmas and-" Remus began.  
  
"And what?" Lily shouted, looking into Remus' eyes. "Be heroic and save the school? We're talking about Voldemort. We couldn't possibly stop a wizard as strong as him. We're just students, Remus."  
  
Tears dripped down her face. Remus wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb as he looked into her beautiful green eyes.  
  
"Lily, we can do something," Remus told her. "We can tell Dumbledore. He'll know what to do."  
  
Lily nodded slowly.  
  
"Oh, Remus," she began, sobbing, "I'm just so afraid."  
  
"I know," Remus whispered. "Maybe some butterbeer'll calm us down, alright?"  
  
Lily nodded and they both stood up. Remus put his arm around Lily as she laid her head on his shoulder. As they walked toward the Three Broomsticks, Remus caught sight of Peter coming out of Honeydukes. Peter gaped at them, dropping his bag of jellybeans on the ground. They must have looked positively incriminating. Even then, Remus was fabricating something that could explain it.  
  
***************  
  
As Remus, Peter, James, and Sirius were heading back to Hogwarts, Peter kept glancing at Remus, looking horrified. The sun was going down and they were nearing the front gate. Peter took Remus' arm and stopped him.  
  
"Remus, tell me," Peter begged, "what is going on with you and Lily?"  
  
"Nothing, ol' chap," Remus said with fraudulent cheer.  
  
"I saw you two walking together," Peter mumbled dismally.  
  
"To the pub, you mean?" Remus asked. "That was nothing. Lily was upset because she thinks James'll want to break up with her because of what she said to him. When a girl is feeling depressed, she just needs some affection. That's all it was. She needed to be cheered up a bit."  
  
Peter nodded. He seemed to be buying it. Remus gave him a smile and they continued to the castle.  
  
As they walked into the Entrance hall and began heading up the main stair case, James turned back toward Remus, looking perplexed.  
  
"Mooney," he began, "I thought you were changing."  
  
"Yeah," Peter added, just realizing the same thing.  
  
"It was a false alarm," Remus explained.  
  
"Has that ever happened before?" James asked.  
  
"I couple of times," Remus lied.  
  
"What on earth are we talking about?" Sirius questioned.  
  
"Remus was having pains today," James told him.  
  
"That's odd," Sirius commented. "Don't you have another week or so?"  
  
"Yeah," Remus replied. "Weird, huh?" 


	12. The Horrible Trick

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Twelve: The Horrible Trick  
  
"Good morning, all," Snape greeted the marauders at the breakfast, uncharacteristically pleasant.  
  
"What d'you want, Snape?" Sirius snapped.  
  
"Oh, nothing," Snape smiled, "I just thought I ought to come over and say hi."  
  
That wasn't convincing. Peter, James, Sirius, and Remus just stared at him with enmity.  
  
"Move along, Snape," James advised, "if you know what's good for you."  
  
"Alright, alright," Snape gave in. "You can't blame a guy for being polite."  
  
Snape turned on his heals.  
  
"Oh," he began, looking back at the marauders, "I did wonder about a strange instance I witnessed a few weeks ago. You see, one night, I was minding my own business-"  
  
"Sure you were," Remus interrupted.  
  
Ignoring this interruption, Snape went on, "I happened to look out my dormitory window when I saw the most unusual sight."  
  
Remus stared in anxiety, hoping that Snape wasn't going to say what he thought he was.  
  
"It seemed," Snape continued, looking thoughtful but barely smiling, "that Madam Epdac was helping someone around the caste outside. The person was groaning and thrashing. Don't you think that's odd?"  
  
Sirius, Peter, and James glared at him.  
  
"Another strange thing about this person," Snape mused, "was that he looked like someone I know."  
  
"Maybe you were seeing yourself," Sirius blurted.  
  
Snape ignored him and stood right behind Remus. Remus felt a chill as Snape's cold voice continued.   
  
"You wouldn't know anything about this, would you, Lupin?"  
  
Remus pushed his chair into Snape's gut and stood up. Snape made a sore face.  
  
"I don't believe I know anything about any such person," Remus shouted.  
  
"I'm sure you don't," Snape grumbled, smiling suspiciously.  
  
Snape jerked around and stomped off toward the Slytherin table. Remus sat back down.  
  
"Doesn't he have anything better to do?" Peter whined.  
  
"Of course not," Sirius joked. "Snape doesn't have a life."  
  
"Or friends," Remus added.  
  
"He's too nosey for his own good," James stated. "He's going to get himself in trouble one of these days."  
  
Sirius smiled imitating after hearing this comment. Remus suspected that he had something scathingly brilliant in mind.  
  
"He'll get in trouble," Sirius laughed, seeming quite deranged. "Stick his nose in and get in trouble."  
  
Peter, James, and Remus watched him, expecting some sort of explanation. Sirius smiling evilly, held up one finger signifying that he would return soon, and ran off after Snape. The rest of the marauders were quite perplexed.  
  
Remus watched Sirius catch up with and put his arm around Severus Snape. Snape looked quite bemused himself. Sirius started to whispered things to him. Snape's horrible face cracked into a excited smile.  
  
"What's he doing?" Peter squealed.  
  
James shook his head slowly.  
  
***************  
  
That night was the full moon of November. Remus saw beginning to show sign of illness. His face was hot, but pale, and his eyes were bloodshot and glazed.  
  
"D'you think you should go to Madam Epdac now?" Peter asked.  
  
Remus lay on a couch in the common room. He dabbed his hand against his cheek as he stared at his friends who stood above him.  
  
"Can't I go my myself?" Remus panted.  
  
James and Sirius glanced at each other. Remus, just then, noticed that Sirius was hiding a smile. Once James had returned his attention to Remus, Sirius grinned Mischievously.   
  
"W-what's up with you?" Remus sputtered.  
  
Peter and James looked at Sirius' odd smile.  
  
"I-I just have the craziest thing planned," he told them.  
  
"Oh, crud!" Remus mumbled, his stomach lurching unpleasantly.  
  
"Get a bucket, Peter!" James commanded.  
  
Peter scurried off.  
  
Sirius looked at his watch.  
  
"Waiting for something?" James asked.  
  
"No," Sirius said obliviously. "Mooney, you should really get down to the Whomping Willow."  
  
Remus nodded vigorously, grabbing tightly to James' sleeve.  
  
Peter returned with a garbage can.  
  
"I he going to puke?" He asked.  
  
"No," James replied, "we're taking him to the Whomping Willow."  
  
"You go ahead, James," Sirius smiled. "I think I'll wait here."  
  
"What are you up to?" James demanded.  
  
"You'll see," Sirius assured him.  
  
James put his arm around Remus and helped him to stand. Peter fumbled James' invisibility cloak on to them. Then Remus puked.  
  
"Ah, Mooney!" James exclaimed. "My cloak!"  
  
James and Remus exited the common room and made their way down to the Entrance Hall. About half-way down the main staircase, Remus got a horrible cramp, like someone had jabbed a knife into his side, and collapsed. James grabbed him and they both tumbled down the staircase.  
  
As they rested at the bottom, sprawled out and with the cloak only partially shrouding them, Remus mumbled, "You're a great friend."  
  
James let out a frustrated sigh.  
  
The guys continued out the school and around the Herbology area. The large willow stood quite close to the castle wall. It was a seemingly innocent willow tree. As James and Remus neared it, the willow turned lethal and began to thrash it's branches around.  
  
James set Remus down so that he could grab a stick. Remus felt his own hairy face as James hit a large knot on the Whomping Willow's trunk. The tree froze. James got Remus off the ground and walked him over to the tree. There was a large gap in the roots of the tree, through which Remus crawled.  
  
Remus slid down an earthly slide and glanced up at James. He was looking toward the greenhouses. What was he looking at?  
  
"James," Remus grumbled, unable to control the consistency of his voice.   
  
"Keep going," James told him. "I'll find out who it is."  
  
"Who-who is?" Remus asked.  
  
James glared down at him, "Get to the shack!"  
  
Remus crawled along a long tunnel. It was pitch dark, but he could feel the tunnel walls and crumbly dirt beneath his hands and knees. The smell of damp soil lingered around him.  
  
'What was James all freaking out about?' Remus wondered. 'What was he looking at? Who was he talking about?'  
  
Remus continued crawling until his body began to jerk uncontrollably and a sharp pain coursed through him. Before he knew it, he began to snarl and howl.  
  
The pain stopped suddenly. Remus climbed onto his four kegs and lightly galloped down the tunnel. Soon, he arrived in the Shrieking Shack. Remus clenched his teeth, beginning to feel this intense anger. As the madness grew, Remus snarled, standing quite still.  
  
"Stop, don't go in there!" the voice echoed through the tunnel.  
  
Remus coursed with anticipation, knowing that someone would come. Someone would enter his room. Someone would be torn to shreds. Remus smiled, a fire in his eyes, knowing that he could finally release the anger that consumed him.  
  
"I won't be told what to do," an arrogant voice retorted to the first. "I'll find out what's going on if it kills me."  
  
"It just might," the first said.  
  
"Let go!"  
  
"I'm warning you not to go in there."  
  
A figure emerged from the tunnel. He was tall and dark. It was Snape. Perfect choice for a victim.  
  
Remus lunged forward. He just barely missed sinking his teeth into Snape's leg. Snape screamed.  
  
"Get outta there!" James yelled from the tunnel.  
  
Snape was like stone, flat against the wall. Remus rounded on him, his teeth dripping with saliva. James sprinted into the room, grabbing Snape by the arm. He pulled Snape aside just as Remus went in for a second attack. James dragged Snape through the tunnel.  
  
Feeling quite disappointed, Remus ran around the room, destroying anything that was even partially intact.  
  
***************  
  
Remus, James, and Snape were called to Dumbledore's office the next day. As they sat in front of the empty desk, waiting, Snape glanced at Remus. On his face was a look of both fear and anger. Remus looked at his shoes, quite ashamed and nervous.  
  
Dumbledore swept into the office and sat in his chair. He glanced from one face to another, looking a little disturbed underneath his white beard.  
  
"I will address your concerns, Mr. Snape," Dumbledore said solemnly.  
  
"Lupin is a werewolf!" Snape shouted.  
  
"And what would you like em to do about it?" Dumbledore questioned.  
  
"Expel him or something," Snape demanded.  
  
Ramus flinched. He couldn't stand to be expelled. All his friends were at Hogwarts. His whole life was Hogwarts. He wouldn't be able to do anything with his life if he didn't finish school.  
  
"Expel him because he's different?" Dumbledore assumed.  
  
"Expel him because he's dangerous!" Snape corrected.  
  
"My dear boy," Dumbledore began calmly, "We have taken all precaution to keep Remus away from other students when he is in his unfortunate condition."  
  
"Then how come I was attacked?" Snape snapped. "He tried to eat me!"  
  
"How did this come about?" Dumbledore asked urgently, looking from one face to another.  
  
"Well, you see-" James began.  
  
"Black told me to go down in the tree," Snape blurted. "They all lured me there to get me ravaged by that monster."  
  
Snape pointed a long finger at Remus.  
  
"That isn't what happened!" James exclaimed. "Snape came down into the tunnel. I tried to stop him."  
  
"Black told me to go down there," Snape repeated. "You all work together on everything. If Black was in on it, you all were. You think I don't know you guys? You all led me down there!"  
  
"It was your own fault!" James retorted. "If you hadn't been such a nosey git, you wouldn't have gone down there."  
  
Remus kept his eyes on the floor.  
  
"That's enough!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "I suggest we all forget about what happened in the tunnel. Forget who lured whom and who warned whom. Forget the shack. Snape, forget Remus' condition."  
  
"Condition," Snape spat, glaring at James and Remus.  
  
"You are forbidden to tell anyone that Remus Lupin is a werewolf," Dumbledore told Snape.  
  
"Yes, sir," Snape grumbled.  
  
"You are dismissed," Dumbledore allowed.  
  
The three boys stood up and headed for the door. Snape and Remus reached for the doorknob at the same time. Both pulled their hands away. Remus looked at Snape nervously, meeting his emnatic gaze.  
  
"C'mon you two," James snapped, opening the door himself.  
  
Neither Snape nor Remus wanted to go first.  
  
"After you," Snape insisted. "I won't turn my back on a werewolf."  
  
Reluctantly, Remus followed James down the staircase and into the corridor. Snape wasn't far behind them.  
  
"Snape, I'm sorry," Remus began, looking at him as they walked down the hall. "You have to understand that I can't control myself when I'm-"  
  
"I don't associate with the likes of you," Snape interrupted. "I suggest you stay away form me, Lupin."  
  
"You're the one who always comes around and hassles us," James informed.  
  
Snape gave them both a hateful stare before he turned off to go toward the Slytherin common room. Remus and James watched him strutting down the corridor.   
  
A/N: Please review. I don't like to update unless I have reviews so that I know if people are actually reading my story. 


	13. The Yule Ball

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
A/N: I'm sorry it took so long, but I have been working on my trimester fianls. I'm not even finished yet, so the next chapter will take a while too. I'd like to thank those of you who reviewed me: Dawnfire and CassieOwls.   
  
Chapter Thirteen: The Yule Ball  
  
"D'you ask someone?" Lily questioned Remus as they walked toward Care of Magical Creatures, across the school grounds.  
  
"Ask someone?" Remus repeated.  
  
"To the Yule Ball, Silly," Lily giggled, pulling her winter robes closer to her.  
  
"Oh," Remus began, glancing toward the corral, "I almost forgot about that."  
  
"So, did you ask someone?" Lily queried.  
  
"No, I didn't," Remus grumbled.  
  
"You better get cracking," Lily advised.  
  
Remus rolled his eyes.  
  
"Don't you want to go to the ball?" Lily asked in surprise.  
  
"No, I don't," Remus murmured.  
  
"But it'll be fun," Lily said, pulling on Remus' arm. "You could twirl your girl on the dance floor."  
  
"I don't have a girl," Remus told her.  
  
"Oh, come on!" Lily exclaimed, stepping in front of Remus to stop him.  
  
Remus halted and looked at Lily. She had her perfect smile displayed, making her green eyes sparkle with delight. Her dark red hair contrasted the snowy scenery beautifully. Remus suddenly felt goosebumps pop up all over his arms.  
  
"There must be, at least, one girl that you would like to go to the ball with," Lily said.  
  
Remus smiled weakly. Of course there was a girl he wanted to go with. It was just too bad that Lily was still going out with James. After the Three Broomsticks conversation, Remus was sure that James would soon break it off. He didn't.  
  
"I don't want to go to the ball," Remus stated and then walked around her.  
  
"Oh, Remus," Lily began, "you don't want to be a stick in the mud."  
  
"Why does it matter to you if I go?" Remus said, much harsher then he meant to say it.  
  
Lily was silent. Remus turned around and looked back at her. She had her arms folded insecurely.  
  
"I was...I wanted," Lily sputtered. "I was going to...save you a dance."  
  
Remus felt like an idiot. He let out a sigh and smiled at her.  
  
"Please come," Lily whispered. "It'll be fun."  
  
Remus opened his mouth to explain that he wasn't a good dancer, but before he could utter a word, Lily jetted off toward the Care of Magical Creatures corral.  
  
'What will I lose by going to some ball?' Remus asked himself as he started walking again. 'The worst that could happen is I get extremely bored because all my friends have dates...Wait, Peter won't have a date. I could talk to him. Oh, I suppose it can't be that bad.'  
  
As Remus walked up to the group of students that were lined up on the corral, the tall, yet stalky, professor glared at him.  
  
"Mr. Lupin," the professor began in a grumbly voice, "I would like my students to arrive on time."  
  
Remus smiled sheepishly, saying "Sorry, Professor Burnstead."  
  
Professor Burnstead wrinkled his unusually large nose and raised his bushy brown eyebrows.  
  
"Miss Moone," Burnstead said suddenly, "what was I saying?"  
  
Sara turned quite pale.  
  
"I-" She sputtered, "I don't remember."  
  
"Maybe you weren't paying attention," Burnstead growled.  
  
Sara remained silent.  
  
"Mr. Black," Burnstead called, "what was I saying?"  
  
"Don't you remember?" Sirius asked.  
  
There were a few giggles among the students.  
  
"You were introducing us to the sleeping habits of the Indonesian Futec," Sirius explained. "You were specifically saying that the female Futec hates to sleep alone. I think she should get together with a Futec boar."  
  
Burnstead's wide face flooded with a shade of pink. Remus wasn't sure if he was angry or embarrassed at what Sirius had voiced.  
  
"Female Futecs hibernate in packs as to keep each other warm," Burnstead informed as if Sirius had not mentioned his last comment. "Male Futecs rather despise each other so they hibernate alone in a cave or the cavity of a rock."  
  
"Goin' to the Yule Ball?" Remus asked Peter quietly.  
  
"No," Peter whined. "I can't get a date."  
  
"Have you asked anyone?" Remus questioned.  
  
Peter nodded, saying, "They all have dates already."  
  
"C'mon, Pete," Remus began cheerfully, "go stag with me."  
  
Peter smiled pleasantly and nodded.  
  
****************  
  
Remus came down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room. It was dark, as usual, with younger students moping around or studying. The older Gryffindor were all getting ready for the dance. When he left the dormitory, James was trying to get his hair to lay flat and Peter was polishing Sirius' boots. Since Remus didn't have a date, he wasn't too worried about how he looked.  
  
"Remus," he heard behind him as he sat himself down on one of the couches.  
  
He immediately stood up and spun around. It was Lily, looking amazing. The shimmering red locks were pinned up into an elegant twist. Several curled strands fell off either sides of her face. Lily's lips were delicately rouged to look glossy and soft. Her eyes sparkled gorgeously beneath a light aqua shadow.  
  
"What?" Lily said uncomfortably, straightening her deep violet dress robes. "Why are you starring at me like that?"  
  
"I'm sorry," Remus said, pulling his tongue off the floor, "it's just that you look so...beautiful."  
  
Lily was obviously trying not to smile as she glanced around, avoiding Remus' gaze.  
  
"Where's James?" She asked.  
  
  
"Straightening his hair," Remus told her. "If he plans on having his hair perfect, then you two will never get to the ball."  
  
Lily giggled briefly.  
  
"You're looking quite handsome," Lily complimented as she rounded the couch.  
  
Remus blushed slightly. He did have brand new dress robes. His mother had to get him new ones when the last Yule Ball had fallen on a full moon. The last ones were Maroon. These were a navy blue. He liked these better. He did feel bad when he found out how costly they were. Mrs. Lupin had insisted on the best, even though Remus' continual need for replacements of clothing was draining their funds.  
  
Lily and Remus sat down on the couch. Lily leaned forward with her chin resting on her hand.  
  
"What time is it?" Lily asked.  
  
Remus looked at his watch, saying, "It's five passed 'Time for the Dance.'"  
  
"I can't believe how long people are taking," Lily sighed.  
  
Remus looked behind him. Without him noticing, the common room had gotten quite full. Few couples were leaving for the ball. Remus guessed that people wanted to be fashionably late for the affair. Through the crowd, Remus spotted Sirius with his arm around a girl. She seemed almost sickly thin with long blond hair and large glasses.   
  
"Who's that?" Remus asked.  
  
Lily turned around on the couch and gazed out at the crowd, saying, "Who?"  
  
"That girl with Sirius," Remus clarified.  
  
"That's Sibyl," Lily told him. "I didn't know that Sirius liked Sibyl Trelawney."  
  
"I didn't know Sirius knew Sibyl Trelawney," Remus voiced. "I didn't know there was a Sibyl Trelawney. And with those bangle necklaces, she can't possibly be hard to miss."  
  
"She doesn't get out much," Lily explained. "Sibyl likes to be alone with her crystal ball and tarot cards."  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows. Since when had Sirius gone for the eccentric type?  
  
"Oh, Lily!"  
  
Remus and Lily both open around to see James, Wearing chartreuse dress robes. It was apparent that James' hours in front of the mirror had not improved his hair. It was still sticking out everywhere.  
  
"Lily, you look gorgeous, " James complimented, straightening his glasses.  
  
Lily giggled and looped her arm around his. Remus stood up, too.  
  
"Should we be heading off?" Remus suggested.  
  
Even through the whole house had intended on arriving late and making an entrance, they ended up just going all together. When the Gryffindors had reached the Great Hall, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were already there. Most of Slytherin house arrived a few minutes later. Professor McGonagal, a stern-looking woman with a dark, tight bun stood up from her observation seat at the teacher's table.  
  
"Before beginning the ball, I would like to make an announcement," she said. "Professor Dumbledore has been called away."  
  
A few mutters broke out among the students. Remus gaped at her in disbelief.  
  
"he was needed at the Ministry of magic," McGonagal continued. "He will be back soon, but while he is gone, I don't want any dilly-dallying. I will be in charge. Now that you know, let us begin our Yule Ball. Euphonus!"   
  
Music began suddenly. Student migrated to the walls so that the dancing area was quite clear.  
  
"Let's rock the house, Baby!" Sirius suggested to his date.   
  
"All for it," she said in an airy voice.  
  
Once Sirius and Sibyl were dancing, other people joined in. James and Lily danced together quite a few times. The two returned just as a slow song began.  
  
James, Lily, Remus, and Peter stood idly near a table and watched the dancers. Sirius and Sibyl seemed to be dancing awfully close together. Lily nudged Remus in the side with her elbow. When he looked at her she was smiling. Remus gave her a confused look. She raised her eyebrows expectantly. He suddenly realized what she wanted. Lily wanted him to ask her to dance. Unfortunately, James was right there.  
  
Lily must have seen Remus glancing at James because she said, "James, would you mind if Remus asked me to dance?"  
  
Remus started feeling really hot and nervous. What was he going to say?  
  
"Sure, Mooney," James answered light-heartedly, "if you want to dance with Lily, that's fine."  
  
Lily looked back at Remus, batting her eyes.  
  
"Alright," Remus began, clearing his throat. "Lily, d'you want to dance?"  
  
"I thought you'd never ask," Lily replied, sounding serious.  
  
Remus and Lily walked onto the floor. Lily put her arms around Remus and he had his hands on her middle. They slowly swayed to the gentle music.  
  
"It's weird about Dumbledore leaving," Lily commented. "What d'you think is up with that?"  
  
"I donno," Remus admitted.  
  
"D'you think it has anything to do with what Voldemort said?" Lily asked.  
  
"He did say he was going to take care of Dumbledore, didn't he?" Remus said thoughtfully.  
  
"Too bad we didn't have time to talk to him before he left," Lily voiced.  
  
"Oh, crud!" Remus exclaimed.  
  
"What?" Lily queried.  
  
"I totally forgot," Remus said.  
  
"Forgot what?"  
  
"I had to go to Dumbledore's office last month," Remus explained. "I forgot to tell him."   
  
Lily stopped swaying and gaped at Remus.  
  
"A powerful dark wizard wants to take over the school and you forgot!" Lily yelled.  
  
"Shh," Remus hushed her, "remember where we are."  
  
Lily pulled away form him and said, "How could you forget?"  
  
"I-I was busy," Remus sputtered. "There was something occupying my attention."  
  
"What was that?" Lily questioned, looking angry.  
  
Remus itched the back of his neck.   
  
"It's personal."  
  
"Personal?" Lily said it as if it was an insult. "Remus, I thought we were friends. Why won't you just tell me?"  
  
Remus had to think. He could tell her the truth. It could be possible that she'd understand. Remus could see her nodding and saying, "Oh, that's all." Yeah, right! Lily would probably scream. She would be scared of him. Remus wouldn't be able to stand that.  
  
"I just got in trouble," Remus explained.  
  
"In trouble for what?" Lily demanded.  
  
"Playing a trick on Snape," he told her.  
  
He waited for her response. Her facial expression softened and she even smiled.   
  
"Why didn't you say that?"  
  
Remus shrugged, grinning fraudulently.  
  
Lily put her arms around him and they continued to dance.   
  
"I'm sorry I got so mad," she whispered to him.  
  
Remus felt bad about not telling her the truth, but he was happy that she was no longer angry with him. He did deserve anger, though., Snape and the unfortunate incident was a perfect opportunity to tell Dumbledore what was going on. Instead, he worried about himself; How he might be expelled and how embarrassed he was. Remus should have thought about the school and everyone else in the magic and muggle worlds.  
  
Remus happened to glance over at Peter and James when James was whispering something to Peter and pointing at a short girl with strawberry blond hair, who was standing next to the punch bowl. Peter nodded.  
  
"Looks like Pete might ask someone to dance," Remus informed Lily.  
  
She looked over there. Peter had just approached the girl when a taller red-headed guy asked her first. Remus supposed to hide his embarrassment, Peter got himself a glass of punch.  
  
"Poor Peter," Lily frowned.  
  
"Even a stub like him deserves a dance," Remus said as Peter walked slowly toward James. "Hey, Lily, are you thinking what I am?"  
  
"I think so," she told him, smiling. "You want me to..."  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
Lily giggled.  
  
The two walked back over to where Peter and James stood. Lily clung to Remus' arm and started tugging at him playfully.  
  
"One more dance, Remus," she begged, smiling.  
  
"Nah," Remus began, "I'm bushed."  
  
"Party pooper," Lily voiced. "What about you, James?"  
  
"Well-" he began, but Remus had nudged him in the ribs. Remus gave him a mischievous grin. James, confused, continued, "I don't think so?"  
  
"I bet you're not such a stick in the mud," Lily said to Peter. "Want to dance?"  
  
Peter looked shocked for a moment and then he nodded. Lily took his hands and pulled him onto the dance floor. James had gotten what was going on and joined Remus in a chuckle.  
  
"Hey, James," a blond fifth-year began, "want to dance?"  
  
"No thanks, Lana," James refused pleasantly.  
  
Once she had left, Remus asked, "Why'd you say no?"  
  
"I'd rather just watch Lily," James mused.  
  
Remus stared at James as he watched Lily. He had this slight smile on his face that confused Remus.  
  
"What's up, James?" Remus asked.  
  
"What d'you mean?" James retorted.  
  
"First you don't seem to care that Lily was talking about being serious at Hogsmeade," Remus began, "and now you refuse dancing with a pretty girl to sit here and watch Lily. What's going on with you?"  
  
James smiled wider, "I'm not sure. I just always wast to be around her and can't stop thinking about her. It's like everything in my life revolves around her."  
  
Remus gaped at him.  
  
"What?" James questioned.  
  
"James," Remus said, "you're in love."  
  
James' face straightened out and he looked back at Lily.  
  
"I guess I am." 


	14. Staying at Hogwarts

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Fourteen: Staying at Hogwarts  
  
On the way to Arithmacy class, Remus was thinking about the Yule Ball. He couldn't believe that James was actually in love. He had sworn all his life that he would never get serious about a girl. And now, he was. This definitely wasn't pleasing to Remus. He should have felt happy for his friend, but he found himself being upset. If James loved Lily and Lily loved James then Remus could never have her. Of course, Lily had never said that she was in love with James. There was still hope.  
  
As Remus entered the dreary classroom, he immediately saw his friends. Peter and James were seated together. Lily was leaning against the table, talking to James. Her hair was down and shimmered radiantly red.   
  
"Hey all," Remus greeted. "Where's Sirius?"  
  
"He transferred," Peter whined.  
  
"Transferred?" Remus repeated. "Why would he transfer?"  
  
"Two words," James began, "Sibyl Trelawney."  
  
"Sirius has switched to Divination to be with her," Lily explained.  
  
"Wow, who'd have thought?" Remus commented.  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to spend Christmas holiday with her," James voiced.  
  
"Oh!" Lily exclaimed, jumping off the table. "Remus, I need to talk to you."  
  
Lily took Remus' hand and pulled him to the corner of the room.  
  
"Have you signed up to stay over holiday?" Lily asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Crauwel has a rendezvous with Voldemort over Christmas. Remember?" Lily asked.  
  
"Oh, yeah," Remus began, "I almost forgot. I'll have to owl my mum and tell her that I'm staying here."  
  
"I've never stayed here for Christmas before," Lily told him.  
  
"Me neither."  
  
Lily and Remus smiled nervously at each other and then went to their seats. Without Sirius there, Remus had to sit with Nigil Longbottum. Nigil kept staring stupidly at Remus and asking him questions like, "What does Professor Trepid mean by that?" and "What's it like to have friends?" Remus tried to answer his questions, but sometimes he wasn't sure what to say.  
  
After class, Remus went up to the owlry. He scrawled a note, saying:   
  
"Dear Mum,  
I'd like to stay here for the holiday. I have a friend staying and we wanted to do some stuff. I'll write you everyday and miss you. Is it alright?   
Love ya,  
Remus"  
  
He gave his note to a large barn owl and watched as it exited the rickety tower and flew off into the clouds.  
  
*************  
  
The next morning, the marauders sat together eating their breakfast. James was leaning over an advanced potions book while the others stared at him.  
  
"We're supposed to boil it until it becomes a light teal," James told them.  
  
"But the Animagi potion has been grey ever since we thawed it," Remus pointed out.   
  
"What if we did something wrong?" Peter whined, chewing his fingernails.  
  
"Sirius, are you sure it was frozen for exactly two months?" James asked.  
  
"Course I'm sure!" Sirius snapped, seeming offended.  
  
"Maybe it's supposed to take time to turn teal," Remus suggested.  
  
James leaned forward and rested his chin in the seam of the book.  
  
"Guys, we need to consider something," Sirius brought up, looking at all their faces, one by one. "What are we supposed to do about the potion over the holidays?"  
  
"That's right," James gasped. "We need to have it watched and taken care of."  
  
"One of us could take it home," Peter suggested.  
  
"That won't look a bit suspicious," Sirius said sarcastically.  
  
"Um, guys," Remus interrupted timidly.  
  
"My invisibility cloak can keep it form looking suspicious," James explained.  
  
"That would mean you'd take it home," Sirius informed.  
  
"What, did you want to take it?"  
  
"Guys," Remus said.  
  
"If you want to have it spoil your holiday, that's fine," Sirius told James.  
  
"How d'we keep it hot?" Peter asked.  
  
"That's right," James began, "it needs to stay boiling."  
  
"We can keep a inflammation charm on it," Sirius suggested.  
  
"James," Remus addressed.  
  
"That'll set my cloak on fire!" James exclaimed.  
  
"What other choice d'we have?" Sirius questioned.  
  
Remus stood up, shouting, "Will you guys shut it!"  
  
Peter, Sirius, and James gaped at him.  
  
"What is it, Mooney?" James asked.  
  
"I just thought you ought to know that I am staying over the holiday," Remus announced. "I can look after the Animagi potion."  
  
"Why're you staying?" Sirius queried.  
  
"I have stuff to do," Remus said vaguely.  
  
"This means that your mum will be all alone over the holiday," James stated. "You sure you want to do that to her?"  
  
Remus had never thought of that. He and his mum had always spent holidays together. He tried to imagine her sitting alone by the Christmas tree. Very few presents were under the tree. Remus felt horrible leaving his mother there. She hadn't seen him in four months and she'd have to wait another four. It couldn't be helped, though. He and Lily had to find out what Lord Voldemort was planning.   
  
Remus went to answer James' question but was interrupted by the sudden inflow of owls. Remus scanned the ceiling for a large barn owl. They were all moving much too fast to tell what they were.  
  
"Got some nutmeg cookies from mum," Peter announced, opening a small tin that was dropped in his lap.  
  
"Oh, crud!" Sirius exclaimed, seeing the large red envelope that was clutched in a tawny's beak. "Another howler."  
  
"Better run for it," Remus advised.  
  
Sirius grabbed the envelope and sprinted out of the Great Hall. Remus could hardly hear Mr. Black's yelling. Sirius must be able to run fast.  
  
Just then, the large barn owl landed in front of Remus' plate of eggs. It dropped a letter and then took flight. Remus picked up the envelope and opened it.  
  
"Darling Remus,  
Of course you can stay at Hogwarts with your friend. I am glad that you have so much fun at school. And you're becoming quite popular. It makes me happy. it truly does. I will owl your presents out there. See you when school ends.   
Love Always,  
Rochelle Lupin"  
  
Remus could tell that she was sad that he wasn't coming home. What could he do? He couldn't just let Voldemort take over Hogwarts.  
  
"What's that, Mooney?" Peter asked from across the table.  
  
"Just a note form mum," Remus told him.  
  
"She OK with you staying here alone?" James asked.  
  
"Why wouldn't she be? Remus retorted. "Anyway, about the potion..."  
  
"Yeah, alright," James began, scooting the book toward Remus. "We are here in the potion."  
  
"So once it turns teal, I need to add the bezoar." Remus concluded. "Do we have a bezoar?"  
  
"Sure do," James said, smiling mischievously as he pulled a bottle from his back pack.  
  
The bottle was full of some acid yellow liquid. Among this liquid was a semi-round red thing. It looked kind of muscular. The sight of it made Remus feel ill. Despite this, he took the jar and put it in his own back pack.  
  
****************  
  
As the students going home hustled and bustled to the carriages, Lily, Remus, and some other kids stood on the doorstep, biding farewell to departing friends. The marauders, minus Remus, pulled their trunks through the Entrance Hall. The guys left thier trunks to rest thier arms.  
  
"Lily, you're staying too?" James gasped.  
  
She smiled nervously.  
  
"Why're you staying?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Mum, Dad, and Petunia have decided to holiday in Ireland," Lily explained, lying. "I'm not partial to marshes and ruins so I decided to stay here."  
  
Remus saw that shocked look on Peter's face that said he was getting suspicious again.  
  
"It's a good thing that I have to watch over the..." Remus glanced at Lily, "...stuff or Lily'd have to be all alone."  
  
Sirius, James, and Peter looked at Remus a moment, nervous about the fact that Remus had almost revealed the secret of the Animagi potion.  
  
"We'd better get loaded," Sirius announced.  
  
With that, they picked up thier trunks and dragged them to the next carriage. Once James had packed his trunk, he went back over to Remus and Lily.  
  
"I'll miss you," he said, obviously talking to Lily.  
  
Lily stepped over to him and replied, "I'll miss you, too."  
  
James and Lily embraced. Remus took a deep breath and looked at his shoes.  
  
"I was hoping to see you over holiday," James whispered to Lily, just loud enough for James to hear.  
  
"I'm sorry," Lily pouted fraudulently.  
  
Remus glanced over at them. Lily and James had thier arms around each other, looking into each other's eyes with thier foreheads pressed together. Remus felt like his time of month had come that second. His stomach was lurching and the temperature felt like it had risen ten degrees.  
  
"I'll see you in two weeks," James said, beginning to walk away.  
  
Lily and James had thier fingers touching until James had gone out of arms reach. Lily waved, her arm still outstretched.   
  
James got into the carriage and it drove off on it's own. Remus looked at Lily. She stared after the carriage for a moment and then she turned to Remus, smiling.  
  
"What should we do?" she asked.  
  
Remus shrugged.  
  
"We have several days before Voldemort is supposed to contact Crauwel," Lily informed. "What should we do?"  
  
Remus shrugged.  
  
"What is there to do in a castle all by ourselves?" Lily muttered, putting her finger to her chin in a thoughtful way.  
  
"We could just do whatever comes to us," Remus suggested, brainstorming for ideas.  
  
"It's as good a plan as any," Lily commented. "Anything coming yet."  
  
Remus thought for a minute, and then his stomach began to pop and gurgle.  
  
"How about lunch?"  
  
Lily laughed.  
  
Remus and Lily ate lunch in the abnormally quiet and empty Great Hall.  
  
"I love Christmas," Lily blurted over chicken and sprouts. "It isn't only beacuse of all the presents, but the spirit in the air just sings."  
  
"Are you sure it isn't just Peeves?" Remus commented.   
  
Lily glared at him, smiling slightly.  
  
"I mena the generousity that calls to us and the kindness that inspirtes us. At this time of year, people have more regard for each other. I suppose it's not like that for everyone. There are those who just look forward to the gifts."  
  
Gifts? Oh, no! Remus hadn't gotten Lily a gift. Somehow, so much was going on that he just forgot. What could he get her? It had to be soemthing good. A lame gift wouldn't help his chances. Where could he get a good gift at Hogwarts? He could go to Hogsmede to buy something, but he wasn't sure if he would be allowed to go. Had Lily gotten him something? It didn't really matter. He just wanted to get her a gift so she would have it. He wanted to make her smile.  
  
"Are you OK?" Lily asked.  
  
Remus stopped staring into space and looked ta her.  
  
"You seemed a little worried," Lily told him.  
  
"I'm fine," he began. "I was just thinking of something."  
  
Lily nodded once.  
  
Remus brainbstormed all the rest of the day for ideas of waht to get Lily. All his ideas were either not good enough or inappropriate. He was entertaining the idea of giving her a hair barrett. Of course, what did he knoe about what bareets in fashion. He would probably end up getting her a barett from the fourties. It could always be retro. Who was he kidding? She probably wouldn't even wear it. 


	15. The Deception

A/N: JoeyG, You're right. I guess I goofed. I didn't like the fourth book all that much so I didn't pay attention.   
  
A/N: To you strickly Lily/James fans who might be reading this, there will be events within the next chapters which will make you somewhat mad at me. Don't worry, though. It'll end alright.  
  
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Fifteen: The Deception  
  
Darkness surrounded Remus. It almost seemed like he was floating in blackness. A light appeared in the distance. Remus covered his eyes to protect them form the brightness.  
  
"Remus," a beautiful voice sang.  
  
Remus tried to get to the light since that was where the voice was coming from. Unfortunately, Remus couldn't move. No matter how hard he tried, the light seemed to just get father away.  
  
"Remus," the voice beckoned him.  
  
A figure appeared in the midst of the light. He couldn't see the person, but he knew it was...  
  
"Lily?"  
  
"Remus."  
  
"Lily!"  
  
Remus couldn't move at all. He tried desperately to flap his arms or to paddle his legs. He couldn't. The light got father and father away. The figure held up her hand as the light faded.  
  
"Remus!"  
  
Remus sat up quickly and looked into Lily's eyes. She was sitting on the end of his bed, staring at him.   
  
"Remus, are you alright?" she asked. "You were thrashing around violently."  
  
"I...had a dream," Remus told her.  
  
"What were you dreaming?" Lily queried, smiling.  
  
"Er...," Remus began, nervously, "what are you doing in the boys dorm?"  
  
"There's no one here but you and me," Lily assured him.  
  
Somehow, that wasn't much comfort.  
  
"You didn't answer my question," Remus told her.  
  
"I just thought you ought to get up," Lily said, flipping her dark red hair over her shoulder.   
  
"Why?" Remus asked.  
  
"Because I'm bored down there by myself," Lily said, standing up.  
  
"You know, the point of holiday is to sleep-in," Remus explained.  
  
"Don't be a baby," Lily advised.  
  
"Fine!" he exclaimed. "I'm getting up..."  
  
Remus didn't move.  
  
"Well?" Lily said expectantly.  
  
"I've got to get dressed," Remus told her.  
  
Lily smiled, amused, and left the room.   
  
After Remus had gotten up and dressed, he went down to the common room. Lily was laying on the couch with her calves hanging over the armrest. Her feet flapped back and forth as she hummed. Remus thought this was curious.  
  
"Thinking of anything interesting?" Remus asked, smiling in an amused way.  
  
Lily popped her head over the back of the couch and looked at him.  
  
"I didn't hear you come in," she told him.  
  
"I didn't mean to startle you," Remus assured her.   
  
"It's alright," Lily said, her eyes sparkling. "It's a new day. Want to go down for breakfast or do something else for a while?"  
  
"I'm not all that hungry," Remus informed her.  
  
Lily got off the couch and went up to Remus.  
  
"What do you suggest we do?" She asked.  
  
Remus knew what he wanted to do, but he dare not do it. Looking down at her beautiful face made him yearn to touch her, hold her, kiss her. If he tried any such thing, he would likely get slapped in the face. Not to mention, the punch in the nose once James returned from Christmas holiday.  
  
"We could," Remus began, "scout out Crauwel's room so that we know what we're doing the night Voldemort contacts him."  
  
"Good plan," Lily complimented.  
  
Remus didn't move an inch. He just kept looking into Lily's gorgeous green eyes.  
  
"Are we going to go or not?" Lily asked.  
  
"Yes, of course we are," Remus blurted, turning for the portrait hole.  
  
Lily and Remus made their way through the halls of Hogwarts until they reached the Defense Against Dark Arts room. Remus peeked inside, making sure Crauwel wasn't in there. There was no sign of him.  
  
"How d'you think Voldemort will contact Crauwel?" Lily questioned as they entered the room.  
  
"I'm not sure," Remus admitted. "He can't aparate. The castle is protected against that."  
  
"What if he owls?" Lily gasped. "We won't know anything."  
  
"I don't think he would," Remus voiced, scanning the room. "For one, he can't risk the message being intercepted, and two, there are no windows in the entire room."  
  
"I guess I'm just worried," Lily said, looking around uncertainly.  
  
Remus walked up to her, putting his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"It's OK," he whispered. "We'll find a way to stop this horrible occurrence."  
  
Lily smiled slightly, looking into Remus' eyes. She looked so beautiful with the candle light reflecting on her red hair. Wait! Candle light? Where was it coming from? Remus looked toward the door. Standing tall and dark was Professor Crauwel.   
  
"Sir!" Remus exclaimed.  
  
Lily spun around immediately.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" Crauwel asked, suspiciously.  
  
Remus could normally think of some elaborate lie that would make them free and clear. Unfortunately, at that moment, Remus' head had gone blank. He had no response.   
  
"We just wanted to be alone," Lily blurted.  
  
Remus looked at her.  
  
"Remus and I thought this would be a nice place to snoggle a bit," Lily explained, putting her arms around Remus' waist.   
  
Remus was surprised, but too smart not to play along.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sweety," he said toward Lily. "I thought we would have privacy here. Let's go to Gryffindor common."  
  
"Oh, that's right," Lily giggled, laying her head against Remus' chest, "there's no other Gryffindors here. We can be alone there."  
  
Crauwel looked form Remus to Lily, his lip twitching wildly. He locked his cold eyes on Lily and glared.  
  
"Weren't you dating Mr. Potter?" he asked.  
  
"That cad!" Lily scoffed. "The jerk dumped me. Luckily, Remus was there to help me mend my broken heart."  
  
Then Crauwel glared at Remus.  
  
"Would that not affect your friendship with Mr. Potter?"  
  
"Since James broke up with her, he doesn't really mind us going out," Remus explained.  
  
"I do wish you wouldn't be friends with such a rogue," Lily told Remus, looking pouty. "he hurt me."  
  
Remus looked down at Lily. If James and Lily ever did break up, there would be resentment. How could Remus date Lily and still be friends with James? He couldn't balance his time. There would be jealousy and arguments. Remus would have to choose. How could he possibly, though? Remus tried to get back on track. Besides the fact that it may not happen, it wasn't the issue at the moment. They had to escape Crauwel.  
  
"Sweety," Remus began, "I don't think we should be discussing this here."  
  
"Why not here?" Lily snapped, backing away from him.  
  
"Maybe we should go to the common room," Remus suggested. "Would you excuse us, Professor?"  
  
Crauwel, looking quite convinced, allowed them to leave with urgency.  
  
Remus took Lily's arm and pulled her from the classroom. As they got out of ear shot, Remus turned to Lily.  
  
"I never thought of you as much of a lair," Remus voiced.  
  
"Hey, at my muggle school, I majored in theater," Lily told him, smiling.  
  
"How'd you come up with all that?" Remus asked. "I mean about James being a cad and us dating and the argument-"  
  
"It just came to me," Lily interrupted, looking a little uncomfortable.  
  
Despite his confusion of her discomfort, Remus changed the subject, saying, "Well, we didn't figure out how we'll know what's going to happen."  
  
"We can wait 'till Crauwel goes in and then listen at the door," Lily said.  
  
"No," Remus began. "There's a wardrobe in there. We could hide in it."  
  
"How'll we know when Crauwel will be contacted?" Lily asked. "I mean, we might have to be in there all day."  
  
"It's logical to assume that Voldemort will contact Crauwel at night," Remus told her. "So all we have to do is sneak to the wardrobe near sunset. We might have to wait a while, but it does narrow things down."  
  
"I guess so," Lily sighed, still worried.  
  
Remus didn't want lily to be unhappy. Maybe he could get her mind off of the whole Crauwel and Voldemort thing.   
  
"Lily, what d'you say about getting some breakfast?" Remus suggested. "I think it's poached eggs day."  
  
Lily smiled slightly, saying, "Alight, Remus, let's get some breakfast."  
  
Lily did not stop worrying, not for two days. Christmas was getting near and Remus had not thought of a present for Lily. If only he had some way of knowing what she wanted so he absolutely knew she'd like it. there was no way to do that, though. If he asked her straight out, she'd be suspicious and then it wouldn't be much of a surprise.  
  
"What's wrong?" Lily asked.  
  
"Nothing," Remus said while thinking about this at dinner.  
  
"There must be something," Lily persisted. "You're not eating and you haven't been very happy the last few days."  
  
"Neither have you," Remus pointed out.  
  
"Maybe the same thing is bothering us both," Lily suggested.  
  
Remus knew what she was talking about. He didn't want her to know what he was really worried about, so he nodded.  
  
"I think I'll go to Hogsmead tomorrow," Remus informed Lily.  
  
"I'll go with you," she offered.  
  
"No," Remus began, standing up. "There's something I've got to do."  
  
"Surely I can help," Lily said, looking up at him.  
  
"Lily, I don't think-" Remus started to say.  
  
"Please," Lily begged, "I don't want to be alone here. With Crauwel and Voldemort, I'm so afraid."  
  
Remus let out a breath and agreed. After all, if anything were to happen to Lily while he was away, he could never forgive himself. 


	16. Being Disagreeable

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Sixteen: Being Disagreeable  
  
"Knight to E4," Remus commanded the chessboard.  
  
The black Knight obeyed. Lily watched this move carefully then sat and thought.  
  
"Pawn...no, Bishop to-" Lily began, but her attention moved to the dark figure passing by their table and heading for the front of the Great Hall. She shuttered as Crauwel's cold eyes shot a glance at her.  
  
"I really don't like that man," Lily whispered to Remus.  
  
"No one would if they knew who he really was," Remus explained casually.  
  
"Bishop to..." Lily droned, looking off in to space.  
  
"Getting tired of chess?" Remus queried.  
  
"Well, this is the twelfth time we played today," Lily sighed in boredom. "I wish we still had class, just for something to do."  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Remus questioned.  
  
"Hey, school isn't all bad," Lily told him.  
  
"Not all bad?" Remus repeated.  
  
"I would even take a Potions class," Lily admitted, smiling.  
  
"Potions," Remus laughed. Suddenly, something struck in his memory and he stopped laughing. "Potions!"  
  
"Yeah, so."  
  
Remus stood up, saying, "Lil, I've got to go."  
  
Before Lily could ask him another question, Remus sprinted out of the Great Hall. He kept running until he reached the hawk wizard. Pulling out his wand, he commanded, "Admitis!"  
  
The wizard moved aside and Remus climbed the stairs to the tower. He found the cauldron boiling over.  
  
"Oh, crud!" Remus exclaimed. "Recedus!"  
  
The fire underneath the cauldron lower as Remus ran over to it. The bubbling mush was a dark teal. Remus pulled the jarred bezoar out of his backpack. Afraid that the liquid might harm the potion, he plunged his hand into the jar. It was quite disgusting, like reaching into slime and grabbing someone's heart. Remus pulled the bezoar out and threw it into the Animagi Potion. Nothing happened.  
  
'What if it's too late?' Remus worried as he ran to his bag and pulled out the Advanced Potions book.  
  
"'After inserting the bezoar,'" Remus read aloud, "'there should be a slight discharge of purple vapor.'"  
  
A loud bang shook the whole tower and knocked Remus off his feet. Where he hit his head on the stone ground throbbed as he peered through thick purple smoke.   
  
"Slight discharge of purple vapor," Remus grumbled, coughing.  
  
******************  
  
Remus dragged himself into Gryffindor Tower, feeling utterly dreadful. Lily sat on the couch and read a rather large book by the fire. Once she got a glimpse of Remus, she dropped the book and stood up.  
  
"Remus," Lily gasped, "what happened? You look like you just got into a disagreement with a Norwegian Ridgeback."  
  
Remus looked down at his smoke-stained robes and was suddenly very aware of the bezoar slime drying on his hand.  
  
"I...uh..," Remus tried to think of some explanation, but nothing was coming. "I..don't want to talk about it."  
  
Lily gave him a very bemused expression, saying, "If that's what you want."  
  
Remus walked slowly to the couch and then collapsed upon it.  
  
"Want a foot rub?" Lily offered.  
  
Remus just mumbled into the couch cushion.  
  
"Are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?"  
  
Remus shook his head.  
  
"Alright," Lily sighed, "I guess I'll be off to bed. I mean, we have to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Are you going to sleep down here?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"G'night then," Lily said as she turned to go up to the dormitories.  
  
"Why on Earth did I promise to take care of that blasted potion?" Remus grumbled.  
  
*******************  
  
Lily and Remus decided to go to Hogsmeade about noon the next day. As they were making their way to the main stair case, someone stepped out in front of them. For a second, Remus was sure it was Professor Crauwel. Fortunately, it was just Professor McGonagal with her stern face and tightly bunned hair.  
  
"Where d'you think you two are going?" She asked.  
  
"We were just going to Hogsmeade to pick up some last minute Christmas presents," Remus told her.  
  
"I am afraid that is out of the question," McGonagal stated. "There will be no visits to Hogsmeade until after the holiday is over."  
  
"But, Professor!" Remus exclaimed. "We need to go to Hogsmeade!"  
  
"You should have thought of that before Holiday began," McGonagal said, turning and walking back into her class.  
  
Remus let out a groan. Now, he couldn't get Lily anything. It was so disappointing.   
  
"It's all right, Remus," Lily said cheerfully. "We can find other things to do. Besides, holiday is almost over. Christmas is tomorrow and we only have a couple of days to go after that."  
  
"What are we supposed to do then?" Remus asked.  
  
"We could eat another lunch," Lily joked.  
  
Remus smiled.  
  
"We could always walk the grounds," Lily suggested.  
  
"I suppose it's as good a thing as any," Remus sighed.  
  
Remus and Lily continued down the main staircase and out the main entrance. The grounds were blanketed with a fresh layer of snow, completely untouched.   
  
"Where're we off to?" Remus asked.  
  
Lily glanced around the grounds. As her eyes landed on the ice-covered lake, she smiled.  
  
"What?" Remus questioned.  
  
"D'you ice-skate?" Lily queried.  
  
Remus glanced at Lily nervously, saying, "I don't know how to ice-skate."  
  
"I could teach you," Lily offered.  
  
"D'we have skates?"  
  
Lily smiled mischievously, "Does it matter?"  
  
"We're going to skate without skates?" Remus assumed, feeling uneasy.  
  
"C'mon," Lily giggled, grabbing Remus' hand and pulling him off toward the lake. Once they reached it, Lily pushed Remus onto the ice. He ended up on his face.  
  
"You were supposed to slide," Lily informed.  
  
"Really?" Remus muttered, trying to get to his feet but kept slipping.  
  
Lily glided across the ice, toward Remus, and helped him to his feet.  
  
"Lily, honestly, I don't think I can do this," Remus admitted.  
  
"You just have to keep trying," Lily explained. "Come, I'll skate along with you."  
  
Lily took Remus' hand and started sliding across the ice. Remus came along from inertia, feeling as if he was going to fall over any second. He was constantly rocking, swaying, and shifting weight to keep his balance.  
  
"Just relax," Lily laughed. "I won't let you fall."  
  
Remus looked over into Lily's eyes. They were sparkling along with her smile. She looked so beautiful, with her cheeks flushed from the cold and her shining red hair rippling as they kept moving. Remus found, suddenly, that he wasn't in a struggle to maintain balance. He was skating perfectly well with little effort just because he was holding Lily's hand.  
  
"This isn't that bad," Remus commented as he began to have fun.  
  
Lily just giggled.  
  
"Do you want to try to stop?" She asked.  
  
"Why stop? It's great fun," Remus said.  
  
"You have to learn sometime," Lily told him.  
  
"Alright, then," Remus began, "how d'you stop?"  
  
"It might be hard without real skates on," Lily explained, "but it should still work the same way. All you have to it turn your feet, to direct yourself, and push your heels into the ice."  
  
"Direct my feet then push my heels. Got it," Remus informed.  
  
"Alright," Lily breathed, "we must do this at the same time and in the same direction or we'll both fall."  
  
"That's comforting."  
  
"Turn to the left right now!" Lily commanded.  
  
Remus turned his feet and pushed down with his heels. Unfortunately, in pushing down his heels, he had managed to capsize himself and bring Lily with him. They tumbled over each other until colliding with quite a drift of snow. Remus felt sore all over, but it was forgotten when he realized that Lily was lying on top of him. She propped her chin up on her elbows, which were pressing into Remus' chest.  
  
"Well, that could have gone worse," Lily said, smiling down at Remus.  
  
"I don't see how," Remus breathed.  
  
Lily started laughing as she pulled herself off of him. Remus, with a sharp gut pain, sat up.  
  
"You don't look so good," Lily commented, sounding worried. "Are you hurt?"  
  
"I'm not sure," Remus mumbled. "Is it hot out here?"  
  
"Hot? Are you mad?" Lily asked. "There must be something seriously wrong. Maybe you have pneumonia."  
  
Remus saw that the sky was beginning to get dark.  
  
"I don't think that's what it is," he groaned. "Don't worry. I'll be alright."  
  
"Remus, you can't be serious," Lily gasped, kneeling beside him and feeling his forehead. "You're burning up, you're pale, and you're obviously feeling some pain. We must get you back to Madam Epdac."  
  
"Don't worry about it," Remus insisted. "I just need to go for a little walk."  
  
"No you don't," Lily blurted. "We must get you out of the cold."  
  
"Leave me alone!" Remus snapped.   
  
Lily open her mouth and then closed it again.   
  
"I know what I'm doing!" Remus exclaimed, getting to his feet.  
  
"Remus, what's come over you?" Lily asked, her eyes looking moist.  
  
"I'm fine!" Remus yelled down at her. "Get you bloody butt back up to the castle!"  
  
Lily bit her bottom lip as tears escaped her eyes.  
  
"Alright," she choked, standing up. "I'll leave you then."  
  
As Lily ran back up to the castle, Remus realized what he had just done. 


	17. The Rendezvous

THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Seventeen: The Rendezvous   
  
Remus opened his eyes, finding that he was staring at the roof of the Shrieking Shack. He didn't remember falling asleep, but who does? In addition to his queazy stomach, his light-headedness, and the fact that he had several new bite wounds, Remus had deep emotional pain. He couldn't get the words he yelled to Lily out of his mind. How could she ever forgive him?  
  
Remus pulled himself from the wooden floor. He felt like he weighed tons.  
  
As he dragged himself through the tunnel and out of the roots of the Whomping Willow, the words pounded on his head. She was just trying to help him. She was truly concerned. And what did he do? He snapped at her.   
  
"You idiot!" he muttered to himself as he went through the main Entrance into the castle.  
  
In addition to the fact that he was a complete jerk to her, he also hadn't gotten her a present. How could he ever hope to gain her affection now?  
  
"Coody Bloodwart," Remus told the portrait of the fat lady.  
  
The portrait swung open and Remus entered Gryffindor common room. He felt more lousy then he had ever before after a night of being a werewolf.  
  
"Oh, Remus!" Lily exclaimed as she slowly approached him. "I was worried when you didn't come back last night."  
  
Remus looked at her in shock, saying, "You were worried about me after what I said to you?"  
  
"You couldn't have been yourself," Lily said, sadly and not looking him in the eye. "I know you would never say anything like that and mean it."  
  
"I didn't mean it," Remus assured her. "I am dreadfully sorry. I really wasn't myself, even though that's no excuse. I hope you can forgive me."  
  
Lily smiled, "Of course I can."  
  
Remus felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from off him.  
  
"Come," Lily began, "time to open Christmas presents."  
  
Remus followed Lily over to a small tree in the corner of the room, next to the fireplace. There were about a dozen presents under the tree. Remus was still disturbed that none of them were from him.   
  
"A bunch came from your mum this morning," Lily told him as she sat down on the couch.   
  
Remus crouched down next to the tree.  
  
"You haven't opened any of your presents," Remus informed.  
  
Lily scratched her neck, saying, "I couldn't think of it while you were off somewhere. I didn't know if you had frozen or gotten eaten by something in the Forbidden Forest or what."  
  
Remus hated to have worried her, but it was nice to know that she was worried about him.  
  
Remus and Lily proceeded to open their presents. Lily got muggle things, such as a calculator, a few make-up items, and some CDs. Remus had to ask what some of these things were. From his mum, Remus had gotten two new robes, a broomstick, and some cookies guaranteed to make him dance like a professional. The cookies came late, it seemed. The Yule Ball was the only dance of the year. After that, there was no need to be able to dance.  
  
"This has been a nice Christmas," Lily commented as she looked through her CDs.  
  
"Yeah," Remus said, downheartedly.  
  
"What is it?" Lily asked, looking over at him.  
  
"It's just that...I didn't get you anything," Remus muttered.  
  
"I didn't get you anything either," Lily admitted. "I was going to get you something at Hogsmeade."  
  
"So was I," Remus laughed.  
  
"Let's call it even, then," Lily suggested, "but I'd better get a birthday present."  
  
"You got it," Remus promised.  
  
They smiled at each other.  
  
Lily and Remus went to the feast together and had a great time talking. Remus was still surprised that he had not lost Lily with his rude behavior. He knew Lily was kind and wonderful, but he had never know such a forgiving soul.   
  
******************  
  
"I had too many sweets at dinner," Lily giggled as she lay on the couch in the common room.  
  
"You too?" Remus asked from the floor.  
  
"It's not often I indulge like that," Lily rationalized. "I do have a figure to maintain."  
  
Remus looked up at her. She sure did have a figure. He didn't think that one night of eating a little more then usual would harm it enough to be noticeable. Remus didn't usually eat that much either, but he probably ate more then Lily did on a usual basis. Of course, he didn't care if he gained a few pounds or not.   
  
"This has been a fun Christmas," Lily sighed.  
  
"Yeah, but," Remus began, "what do we do now?"  
  
"What do you normally do on Christmas?" Lily queried.  
  
Remus got off his belly and sat cross-legged, facing Lily to answer her.  
  
"My mum and I just sit down and talk about things."  
  
"What sort of things?" Lily asked.  
  
"School, friends, her work," Remus listed. "Just about anything."  
  
"What about your dad and your siblings?" Lily said curiously.  
  
"Don't have any," Remus told her.  
  
"You have to have a dad," Lily informed, propping her head up on her elbow.  
  
"My dad left," Remus explained, looking down. "One day he got tired of having a son -like me- and he left."  
  
"Don't blame yourself," Lily warned. "It's not your fault."  
  
"In this instance," Remus began, "it was my fault."  
  
"Sorry I brought it up," Lily apologized.  
  
"Don't worry," Remus told her. "I've gotten over it. Once I came to school here and found out there were people who would accept me, I knew my dad was wrong for leaving."  
  
Lily smiled, nodding slowly.  
  
"What time is it?" Remus asked.  
  
Lily lifted her head and looked up at the clock over the hearth and answered, "It's seven o'clock."  
  
Remus' eyes opened wide and he jumped to his feet.   
  
"What? What is it?" Lily questioned as she sat up on the couch.  
  
"Crauwel!" Remus exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, I can't believe we forgot," Lily cried.  
  
"We've got to get down to his classroom right away," Remus insisted.  
  
Lily agreed and they sprinted out of the common room. They made their way down to the Defense Against Dark Arts room. The door was open so Remus peeked inside. The room was desolate as it was the last time he and Lily went there. Remus walked inside, followed closely by Lily.  
  
"D'you think we might have missed them?" Lily asked quietly.  
  
Remus shrugged.  
  
"We can't take the chance that we havn't," he told her. "We'd better get into the wardrobe."  
  
Lily nodded and the two walked over to the tall cherry wardrobe closet. Remus slowly opened the door. Inside was a winter robe, a broomstick, an old hat, and a talisman.   
  
"There's not much room," Lily informed.  
  
"I don't think we'll be in there long," Remus voiced.  
  
Lily gave Remus a weak smile and then climbed into the wardrobe. Remus closed the door behind him as he went in. There was a faint smell of mold in the closet. Lily elbowed the thick robes until they were no longer a wall between her and Remus.  
  
"Can you believe how much dust is in here?" Lily sounded quite disgusted.  
  
Remus laughed.  
  
"What if one of us gets tired?" Lily asked.  
  
"Maybe there's room for one of us to sit," Remus suggested.  
  
Lily began to crouch down.   
  
"I don't think so."  
  
This was not going to be as easy as Remus thought it was. After about a half hour, they were both feeling the pains of being cramped in that wardrobe.  
  
"My feet hurt," Lily whispered.  
  
"I'm sorry," was all Remus could say.  
  
"What's taking Crauwel?" Lily asked, turning to peek out the door.  
  
"Maybe he's still eating," Remus suggested.  
  
"Or he might have already had the meeting," Lily re-brought up. "We shouldn't have enjoyed the feast so much. We should have been watching Crauwel. Oh, and I had insisted on having a second helping of treacle tart."  
  
"Calm down," Remus advised. "You don't know that we missed the meeting."  
  
"I hate waiting," Lily muttered.  
  
Remus just laughed.  
  
After another hour, both sixth years were bored out of their minds.  
  
"Have you ever heard the one about the goblin, the house elf, and the wizard?" Remus asked.  
  
"You told that one twenty minutes ago," Lily whined.  
  
"OK, a witch and a frog walk into a bar. The witch says-" Remus began.  
  
"They both had warts," Lily droned.  
  
"I hadn't gotten that far," Remus complained.  
  
"I'm sick of this!" Lily exclaimed.  
  
"I know," Remus said, sympathetically. "We've got to keep in mind that Voldemort is trying to take over the school. We are the only ones who know about it. We are the only ones who can stop him."  
  
"How d'you think we'll do that?" Lily asked, looking up at Remus.  
  
"I donno," Remus began. "We have to know his plan first."  
  
Lily leaned against one wall of the wardrobe. She looked both worried and frustrated. Remus wasn't sure what he could do to help.  
  
"Lily," Remus whispered, but he couldn't finish.  
  
Lily looked up at him, her piercing green eyes searching for some relief. Remus, shaking, raised his hand to Lily's silky red hair. Lily closed her eyes as Remus gently brushed his fingers through her beautiful locks. He scanned the soft features of her face, lingering when he glimpsed her smooth lips. Before he had a chance to think it over, Remus leaned close to Lily and kissed her ever so tenderly. He felt Lily's delicate fingers grip on to the shoulder of his robes as to compel him to come closer. Remus slipped his arms around Lily's waist and pulled her to him. Lily rubbed her hand rather roughly against his neck as Remus massaged her lips with his own.   
  
The sound of the classroom door opening spooked the two. They jumped apart and stared at the wardrobe door. Lily snuggled close to Remus, afraid that Crauwel might open the wardrobe door to get his hat or his broomstick.  
  
"Crauwel!" came an angry and cold voice.  
  
"Yes, Master," Crauwel said humbly.  
  
"I have been waiting!"  
  
Lily buried her face in Remus' robe.  
  
"Forgive me, Master," Crauwel begged. "I did not mean to make you wait."  
  
"I do not tolerate mistakes!"  
  
"Master, no!"  
  
Suddenly, Crauwel let out a quite unearthly scream. The sound of Crauwel's pain reminded Remus of his transformations. Lily gripped tighter on to Remus and began to sob.  
  
"You will not leave me waiting again," growled Voldemort's voice.   
  
"Never...Master," Crauwel panted.  
  
"Now, you must set up means by which I can get to Hogwarts," Voldemort commanded.  
  
"How, my Lord?" Crauwel asked.  
  
"On that fourteenth day of February," Voldemort instructed, "you shall set up a portkey in the Forbidden Forest. Then I shall come and claim my Hogwarts."  
  
"Yes, Master," Crauwel grovelled.  
  
"Do you know why I want Hogwarts, my dear minion?" Voldemort asked.  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
There was silence.  
  
"Oh, no, Master," Crauwel rephrased.  
  
"It's because of Dumbledore," Voldemort began, his voice snarling. "It was his and it will be mine! I will make him pay!"  
  
"What has he done to make you despise him so?" Crauwel questioned.  
  
"When I went to school there," Voldemort explained, "I was liked by everyone."  
  
"Yes, you were very popular," Crauwel added.  
  
"And then there was Dumbledore," Voldemort grumbled. "Dumbledore always stood against me. He refused to believe me in any matter. I hated him for it. I hate him still."  
  
"But you shall have revenge," Crauwel reminded.  
  
"When that old fool hears that I have tortured his students, he will wish he had been nicer to me in school," Voldemort cackled.  
  
"Yes, Sire," Crauwel began. "He shall fall on his knees and beg that you release his school."  
  
"It will be so sweet to watch him supplicate before me," Voldemort said as if he were dreaming of roast beef.  
  
Remus held Lily close to try to comfort her, but it was no use. She was trembling and sobbing and there was nothing Remus could do for her.  
  
"I shall see you in February, Crauwel," Voldemort said.  
  
"Farewell, Master."  
  
Remus listened as Crauwel's footsteps left the room. The door slammed shut and Remus let out a long-held breath.  
  
"Lily," he whispered.  
  
She slowly looked up.  
  
"He's gone," Remus told her. "Let's get back to Gryffindor common." 


	18. Repressions and Confessions

A/N: Because I didn't know how to incorporate this, I would like you to know that this chapter takes place several days from the last chapter. This is a short chapter compared to some of the others.  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except Crauwel and Madam Epdac.  
  
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Eighteen: Repressions and Confessions  
  
Remus leaned against the hearth, looking down into the dancing flames. The heat burned his eyes yet he continued to look.   
  
"Remus, what will we do?" Lily whispered from the couch.  
  
"I guess we'll just have to intercept the portkey," Remus muttered.  
  
"Are you suggesting we take on Professor Crauwel?" Lily gasped.  
  
Remus looked over his shoulder at her, saying, "Nothing like that. I think we should follow Crauwel into the forest and let him set up the portkey."  
  
"So you want us to battle Voldemort?" Lily said, looking at him as if he was mad.  
  
"No," Remus grumbled. "We let Crauwel think he had succeeded and wait for him to leave. After that, we disengage the portkey and tell Dumbledore everything."  
  
"D'you think he'd believe us?" Lily questioned.   
  
"You'll find that Dumbledore knows people," Remus told her. "He'll know we're telling the truth. Let's just hope he'll be back by that time."  
  
There was a long silence, in which Remus played out in his head what would happen in the forest. He would have to read up on portkeys and how to disengage them.   
  
"Remus," Lily began quietly.  
  
Remus turned to her. She had this odd worry in her eyes and something told Remus it wasn't due to Crauwel.  
  
"About what happened in the wardrobe," Lily continued uncomfortably.  
  
Remus let out a breath. Yes, the kiss. He had been dreading this conversation. That kiss was the most wrong thing he had ever done. He had kissed the girlfriend of his best friend. How could he really say he was James' friend after such a heinous crime?  
  
"I'm sorry," Remus muttered, "it was very wrong of me to do such a thing."  
  
"I am just as much at fault as you are," Lily insisted.  
  
"What should we tell James?" Remus asked, feeling utterly guilty. "He comes back tomorrow."  
  
"Nothing," Lily suggested. "It won't do any of us good to tell him. It will only hurt him and hurt us for hurting him."  
  
"So, you just want to pretend like nothing happened?" Remus asked, surprised.  
  
"What would you suggest?" Lily retorted.  
  
Remus tried to think of a better idea. His mom had always taught him that truth was the best choice. Of course, no one ever saw Remus running through the halls, shouting, "I'm a werewolf!" Sometimes it's best for all the parties involved to withhold destructive truths.  
  
"Alright," Remus agreed hesitantly, "we will tell James nothing and act like nothing happened. I guess we just forget what happened in the wardrobe."  
  
"We still need to intercept that portkey," Lily reminded, skillfully changing the subject.  
  
"Fifteenth of February," Remus defined, letting out a breath.  
  
"It seems like a long time away," Lily commented, worried.  
  
"It'll come faster then we realize," Remus assured her.  
  
**************  
  
All the students that stayed at Hogwarts over Christmas met in front of the castle to greet their friends and classmates. Lily and Remus kept meeting gazes and then retreating their eyes uncomfortably. The horseless carriages came through the wrought iron gates, all occupants making a big deal of coming back. They waved, whooped and hollered. Remus spotted Sirius, Peter, and James waving at him. They were accompanied by the tall gangly Sibyl Trelawney.  
  
"Hello again," James called as he got out of his carriage door. "It seems like forever since I had last seen you guys."  
  
James ran up and hugged Lily. As he did so, Lily shot a quick glance at Remus.   
  
"Guess what I got for Christmas," Peter squealed excitedly as he ran to Remus as fast as he could on such stumpy legs. He held up a string of blood sausage.  
  
"That's great," Remus said wryly.  
  
Sirius and Sibyl exited the carriage hand-in-hand.   
  
"They made-out on the train," Peter whispered to Remus. "You'd think they'd pick a less private place, like a closet or wardrobe."  
  
Remus smiled nervously.  
  
"C'mon, guys," Sirius began, smiling, "let's all get up to Gryffindor common and enjoy the last of holiday before tomorrow."  
  
"What would you suggest?" James asked, his arm around Lily's waist.  
  
"We could take our chicks and do some snoggling," Sirius said, pulling Sibyl close to him.  
  
"That won't be fair!" Peter complained. "Mooney and me haven't nobody to snoggle with."  
  
"That is unless Remus did some snoggling over the holiday," James accused, raising his eyebrows at Remus.  
  
"What makes you think that?" Remus asked, glancing at Lily.  
  
"Oh, c'mon, Mooney," James laughed. "You had to have met someone. I can see it in your eyes."  
  
"Honest, I did not meet anyone," Remus assured.  
  
"Lil, you should set him up," James suggested, tickling Lily's side and causing her to flinch and giggle.  
  
"I really don't know what kind of girl Remus likes," Lily admitted.  
  
"Just anyone," James went on, pensively. "Find a girl who's sweet and stuff, like my sweet stuff."  
  
James kissed Lily's neck. She smiled, but it did not look like a very happy smile.  
  
"What about me!" Peter exclaimed, jumping up and down.  
  
"Yeah," Sirius laughed. "Find Pete a girl while you're at it, Lily. I'm sure he'll take any one that's breathing."  
  
Everyone laughed, even Peter. Remus looked at Lily. She was looking back. She wasn't smiling or frowning. She just looked afraid more than anything.  
  
*************  
  
Remus and the gang had Charms the next morning. It was just as it normally was. Sirius, Peter, Remus, and James sat together. James sat on the opposite side of Sirius and Peter than Remus did. Lily sat next to him, while Sibyl was placed on Sirius' lap. Remus crouched down in his chair to stop himself from continually looking at Lily and James. It was killing him inside to see them together and for James to not have the slightest idea of what Lily and Remus had done. Lying to a friend wasn't real friendship, was it?  
  
Through the corner of his eye, Remus caught Peter staring at him. He looked over at his short friend expectantly.  
  
"What's up with you and Lily?" Peter squeaked, trying to be quiet.  
  
"I don't know what you mean," Remus lied, sounding quite convincing.  
  
"You know what I mean," Peter accused. "You two have been awfully friendly for quite some time. Now, all of a sudden, you two hardly talk. What happened over holiday?"  
  
"We just had an argument," Remus fabricated. "Things are a little tense now."  
  
"What did you fight about?" Peter asked, suspiciously.  
  
"Something personal," Remus shot at him. "Why are you being so nosey?"  
  
Peter quickly turned his attention to the teacher. Professor Flitwick was showing them the proper wrist action for doing a shrinking charm. Remus looked at Peter. He looked uncharacteristically mad. Would it hurt too much to tell Peter? After all, Peter would never tell such a secret. He was a good friend. Besides, Remus was dying to tell someone.  
  
"Talk to me after class," Remus whispered to Peter.  
As the group left for double potions, Remus and Peter hung behind. The others had asking them what they were doing. Remus just replied that they wanted to ask Professor Flitwick something.   
  
Peter stared at Remus expectantly as Remus paced. He stopped and turned to Peter.  
  
"I didn't mean for anything to happen," Remus assured. "Neither of us planned anything. Lily and I just found ourselves alone. It just happened."  
  
"What?" Peter asked.  
  
Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
  
"I kissed her," he whispered.  
  
Silence. When Remus opened his eyes, he saw the most shocked look on Peter's face. His eyes were so wide they could have popped right out of their sockets.  
  
"Mooney," Peter gasped, "how could you?"  
  
"You better not tell anyone," Remus warned. "I told you this in strictest confidence. You can't reveal this to anyone."  
  
Peter nodded vigorously, his eyes still wide with shock.  
  
"Now you know," Remus sighed, dropping into a sitting position on the ground.   
  
"Mooney," Peter squealed, "she's James' girl."  
  
"You don't think I know that," Remus grumbled.  
  
"Why did you?" Peter demanded.  
  
"I love her, Pete," Remus admitted. "I have always loved her, and I love her more everyday. She's the most wonderful person in the world. I have never wanted anyone so badly. Sometimes I stay up all night just thinking about how sweet she smells, the beauty of her voice, and how soft her skin feels. It drives me crazy to be around her so often but not be able to have her, to hold her."  
  
Peter just stared.  
  
"But you set them up," he reminded, confused.  
  
"She wanted me to," Remus explained. "I would do anything for her. She's the queen of my heart."  
  
  
A/N: OK, I don't know if Professor Flitwick was still a teacher in that time, but I think he might be old enough. 


	19. All Will Come to Light

A/N: This isn't my favorite chapter from this book.  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except Crauwel and Madam Epdac.  
  
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Nineteen: All Will Come to Light  
  
Remus and Lily spent all their free time for the next few weeks searching the library for something about portkeys. The card catalogue only suggested subjects to books and not the many different and complicated spells within them. It seemed so very hopeless that Remus felt he needed a break from it all. It so happened that Lily was due for a break herself.  
  
"Found anything close?" Lily asked, dropping an old book, entitled "Spells for the Potential Master Wizard", onto the table Remus sat at.   
  
"Nothing," Remus yawned, stretching out his back.  
  
"I found the mention of portkeys, but nothing on setting them or unsetting them," Lily explained, tiredly. "Does it seem like we aren't getting anywhere?"  
  
"'Course we're getting somewhere," Remus said quickly, leaning back in his chair. "We have determined which books do not contain what we need."  
  
Lily kicked Remus' chair, causing him to loose balance and fall to the ground. Aside from a slight disorientation, Remus was alright. He just stared up at Lily as she knelt down beside him.  
  
"I honestly don't think we can do this," Lily admitted, looking quite forlorn.  
  
"Could you have faith in us just once?" Remus said, sitting up. "We're not the average sixth years. We have something no other students have."  
  
"And what's that?" Lily asked in a discouraged whisper.  
  
"A thousand books of text to our credit," Remus replied. "With all the spells we've scanned over, we could probably defeat ten Voldemorts."  
  
"So that's the new plan?" Lily asked in jest. "Sounds good to me."  
  
Lily and Remus laughed a little.   
  
"Don't worry," Remus said comfortingly. "Everything is going to work out fine."  
  
Lily smiled weakly and stood up.  
  
"Back to the books," she groaned.  
  
They spent several more hours there before heading off to Gryffindor tower, dragging their feet.  
  
"We'll find it," Remus assured Lily, who looked like she was sleep walking, with her eyes closed.  
  
She yawned in response.  
  
"Want me to carry you?" Remus offered.  
  
Lily nodded, without even opening her eyes.  
  
Remus picked her up, across the alter style, and began to carry her. With her head laying on his shoulder, her hot breath was let out onto Remus' neck. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and shivers went down his arms. Despite this, Remus pressed on toward Gryffindor tower. As he approached the portrait hole, he let Lily down slowly.  
  
"Asleep?" Remus asked as Lily leaned against him to keep standing.  
  
"I wish," she muttered.  
  
"Almost there," he assured her.  
  
He said the password and helped Lily through the portrait hole. They went up to the dormitories.   
  
"Can you make it to your room alone?" Remus asked.  
  
"Sure," Lily said, pushing off from Remus and walking, off balance, down the hall.  
  
Remus chuckled and went down the boys hall to his room. It was dark inside. Remus could barely find his own bed. He was sure that he got into Peter's bed for a moment, then found no one there.  
  
"Well, if he wants it, he'll have to fight me for it," Remus mumbled as he let himself drift softly to sleep.  
  
A mere few seconds went by before...  
  
"Mooney...Mooney?"  
  
Remus opened his eyes and let them adjust for a second. He was in his own bed, facing Peter's. Peter was propped up on his elbow and staring at Remus.  
  
"Where've you been?" Peter demanded quietly.  
  
"In the library," Remus told him grumpily. "Lily and I were-"  
  
"Lily?" Peter gasped. "I thought you were going to stop seeing her."  
  
"It wasn't like that," Remus insisted.  
  
"Did you...kiss her again?" Peter asked.  
  
"No," Remus said, getting frustrated. "If you would only listen to me."   
  
"Mooney, I don't want to break up the group, but I can't keep this a secret," Peter warned. "I have to tell someone."  
  
"Pete," Remus began, sitting up, "just forget it. I shouldn't have told you. Pretend things are how they were."  
  
"Things aren't how they were," Peter wheezed.  
  
"Please don't tell anyone," Remus begged. "Do you want arguing and yelling? Do you want things to bust apart?"  
  
"Mooney," Peter whined.   
  
"Peter, you promised," Remus reminded. "You can't tell now."  
  
Peter remained silent. Remus turned over and tried to go back to sleep. He had a bad feeling about this.   
  
****************  
  
Remus and Lily left the library after a lunch study session. Again, they found nothing of relevance.  
  
"Maybe we should try some books involving Quidditch," Lily suggested. "After all, for every World Cup they set up portkeys."  
  
"We'll try that after our last class," Remus said. "Meet you then?"  
  
Lily nodded and walked off toward the Great Hall for a late lunch. Remus didn't feel like eating so he headed in the direction of Gryffindor tower. He could always look through his Charms book. He doubted such a spell would be in there, but he would look anyway.   
  
"Favon Tabris," he said to the portrait.  
  
As it swung open, a fist came out of nowhere and collided with Remus' face. He fell to the ground, his cheek throbbing with pain. He looked up to see who had done it. James stepped out of the portrait hole and glared down at him.  
  
"What the heck, James?" Remus demanded.  
  
"I thought you were my friend," James grumbled, closing his fists tightly for maybe another round.  
  
"Wait!" Remus exclaimed. "What-"  
  
Suddenly, Peter came out and hid behind James. He had ratted Remus out.   
  
"James, I can explain," Remus insisted.  
  
"There's nothing to say!" James shot at him.   
  
There was a pause, in which Remus took the opportunity to stand up to look James in the eye.  
  
"Did you think you could hide it from me?" James asked, the hint of tears in his voice.  
  
"Believe me, we never meant for that to happen," Remus said, sadly.  
  
"You're saying you just bumped lips?"  
  
"No," Remus blurted.  
  
"Then what?" James asked.  
  
"We just...we were there and...," Remus couldn't think of how to explain it.  
  
"That makes it alright," James said ironically.   
  
"I'm sorry, James," Remus muttered.  
  
"Save it!" James yelled. "I don't want to hear it."  
  
"Can't someone make a mistake?" Remus asked.  
  
James shook his head and started off down the hall.  
  
"James," Remus called after him, "don't blame Lily. It was all me."  
  
James gave Remus an unfriendly and obsene gesture. Remus turned away and looked at Peter. He suddenly squealed and ran back into the common room. Hesitantly, Remus followed. Peter was halfway up to the dormitories.  
  
"Pete, come back here," Remus ordered calmly.  
  
Peter turned back and slowly came back down the stairs.  
  
"Don't hurt me," he whined.  
  
"I'm not going to," Remus sighed, surprised that he wasn't more angry at him. "I'm glad it's over."  
  
Peter gawked at Remus.  
  
Remus dropped onto the couch, saying, "It's Lily I'm worried about."  
  
"I'm sorry, Mooney," Peter insisted. "I must have ruined everything."  
  
"No, I ruined everything," Remus scolded. "I told you a secret you shouldn't have been burdened with. I kissed Lily though she was James' girlfriend. I set them up. Everything is my fault."  
  
At least things couldn't get worse.  
  
**************  
  
Remus found himself sitting on the main staircase that evening. He knew Lily wasn't going to come and study with him. There was way too much going on. But he still waited on the steps as if she were coming.   
  
He heard footsteps coming quickly down the stairs. He jumped up and turned around. Lily stopped and stared at him. He had never seen her like this. Her eyes were fixed into a scowl and her lips quivered with anger.   
  
"You jerk!" Lily yelled. "We agreed not to tell anyone!"  
  
"We agreed not to tell James," Remus corrected, feeling this wrenching pain in his stomach.  
  
"I can't believe you told that..that RODENT what happened," Lily scoffed, walking down to where Remus stood. "How could you have done such a thing to me?"  
  
"He promised he wouldn't tell anyone," Remus assured her. "He's one of my best friends. I thought I could trust him."  
  
"You ruined my life!" Lily exclaimed, beginning to cry. "How can I live now that James hates me so much?"  
  
The words were like daggers. Each thing she said seemed to slice a wound into him, it hurt so much.  
  
"Lily, if there was anything I could do to fix what I've done, I'd do it," Remus said quietly. "You wouldn't believe how sorry I am. I shouldn't have trusted Peter. I beg you to forgive me. I couldn't live if you stayed mad at me."  
  
Lily turned frrm him and sat on the steps of the main staircase. Remus knelt in front of her, trying to look her in the eye, but her head was lowered.  
  
"Please believe that I would never intentionally hurt you," Remus told her.  
  
Lily looked up at him. Tears gleamed in her eyes and she had a slight smile.  
  
"I care about you too deeply to stay mad," Lily admitted. "I just wish we could change this. But, really, what can we do?"  
  
Remus sat beside her, saying, "We'll figure something out."  
  
Lily slipped her arm around his waist and lay her head against his chest. Remus put his arm around her. When he looked up, there was James, standing and staring at them.  
  
"James?" Remus muttered.  
  
Lily looked up, and as she did, James ran off out the main entrance from the Entrance Hall. Lily jumped up and ran off after him. Remus wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to help Lily explain things, but he also thought they ought to be alone. He figured it would be best if James and Lily discussed it by themselves.   
A/N: I guess it's apparent why this isn't one of my favorite chapters. I didn't really want to write this one, but it had to happen. 


	20. One Forelorn Day

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except Crauwel and Madam Epdac.  
  
A/N: I guess I'm getting into the angst part of the book. I don't much like this chapter either.   
  
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
  
Chapter Twenty: One Forlorn Day  
  
The passed week was probably one of the worst of Remus' life. There was much yelling and crying. It reminded Remus of the night his father left. Remus was merely ten-years-old, only a year after he was bitten. He awoke one dawn, just after a transformation. He ached severely and could not remember a thing from the night before. He could hear yelling from his parents' room. Remus walked over to his bedroom door and listened.  
  
"I can't deal with this anymore, Rochelle!" his father yelled.  
  
"Arius, he's just a child," Remus' mother defended.  
  
"He's a monster. What normal child rips up furniture and attacks his own family?"   
  
Remus sat against the door and looked at the blood on his quivering hands. What had he done this time? Did he hurt Mother, dear sweet Mother who was probably only trying to help? Was it father he had attacked? Was that why he was yelling?  
  
"He's your son, Arius!" Rochelle, Remus' mother, cried. "No matter what he has done, he's still your son."  
  
"I wish I wasn't," Arius muttered. "I wish we had never had a son. Can't you imagine how happy we could have been if Remus never came along?"  
  
"Arius Lupin!" Rochelle shouted. "I love Remus with all my heart and could not imagine my life without him."  
  
"Then live your life without me!" Arius exclaimed.  
  
"No!" Rochelle cried. "You can't leave us!"  
  
"Darling Rochelle," Arius began, "I don't want to leave you, but I can no longer live in a house with a werewolf."  
  
"What am I supposed to tell Remus?" Rochelle asked quietly.  
  
"I don't care what you tell him," Arius said. "I want nothing more to do with him."  
  
Rochelle and Arius began to speak more quietly and Remus could not hear it. It might have been better that way. With all that was said so far, Remus was near tears. He had always idolized his father as a great Auror. Remus brought up memory after memory of him and Arius playing together. It was hard to believe that his father did not love him.  
  
Remus crawled back in bed and silently sobbed.  
  
The next morning, there was no sign of his father. Rochelle made breakfast slowly and tried to explain why Arius had left. She had no need to make up lies or put things lightly. Remus heard and knew exactly why his father had left.   
  
That argument haunted Remus for two years, until he met James Potter. James changed his life. For once, he had real friends who would always stand by him, even when his worst secret was found out. If it weren't for James, Remus would still be all alone. And how did Remus repay James' faithful years of friendship? By betraying his trust. And now he knew life without James, and he did not like it. What could he do, though?  
  
Remus leaned back against the soft couch and closed his eyes. With all his heart, he wished that the last week hadn't happened. No, he wished that Christmas never happened. It went farther than that. Remus wished that he had never found out about Crauwel, then he wouldn't have had to get so close to Lily. He wished he had never met Lily.  
  
"Lupin?"  
  
Remus opened his eyes and sat up. A fourth year girl who he didn't know all that well stood in front of him. She was blushing all the way to the roots of her light brown hair. Quickly, she handed him a card and then ran off toward the dormitories. Remus stared after her, a little confused. He looked down at the card. It was pink with a red heart on the front. He opened it to reveal semi-sloppy writing, saying, "I think you're the greatest. Signed, Kari Morgan."  
  
Remus couldn't help but smile. At least someone didn't hate him.  
  
Across the common room, Sirius and Peter were playing wizard's chess. Remus decided, suddenly, to go and talk to them. They had been unfairly caught in the middle of the whole mess with James. Remus knew it must be hard to be forced to take sides between two best friends.   
  
"Hey guys," Remus greeted, interrupting their chess game.  
  
"Hello, Mooney!" Peter squealed in excitement. "I think I'm winning."  
  
Remus looked at Sirius who was holding back a chuckle.  
  
"Guess what?" Remus said, holding out the valentine card Kari had given him.  
  
"Who'd give you a valentine?" Sirius joked, grabbing the card and looking in it. "Awh! How sweet?"  
  
"Who's it from?" Peter asked, trying to get a peek at it, but Sirius wouldn't let him.  
  
"Little Kari Morgan," Sirius laughed.  
  
"Isn't she a fourth year?" Peter asked.  
  
"Robbing the cradle, aren't we, Mooney?" Sirius handed the card back to Remus.  
  
"First thing to make me smile in a while," Remus muttered glumly.  
  
"Maybe I should get something for Sibyl," Sirius mused.  
  
"A new crystal ball," Remus suggested, teasingly. "Or maybe some more bead necklaces."  
  
"I don't see you having someone to romance on Valentines Day," Sirius scoffed.  
  
Remus glanced down at the chessboard.   
  
"I'm sorry, Mooney," Sirius blurted. "I said it without thinking."  
  
"That's fine," Remus assured him, not convincingly.  
  
"Coming to the hawk wizard tonight?" Peter asked, in an attempt to change the subject.  
  
"I'm not sure if James wants me there," Remus said sadly.  
  
"Oh, James won't be there," Peter continued. "He says why bother risking everything for a traitor?"  
  
Sirius slapped Peter across the back of his head, snapping, "Keep your mouth shut, you stupid git!"  
  
Remus sat down, feeling rather forlorn.  
  
"It's your turn, Peter!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
Remus rested his chin on the hand of his erected arm.  
  
*************  
  
That night, Remus, Sirius, and Peter went to the hawk wizard and then up to the tower. Sirius took James' place with the potions book, telling Remus and Peter what to do.  
  
"Sprinkle in the minced monkshood," Sirius ordered.  
  
Peter took a small bottle of monkshood from his robes and sprinkled some into the cauldron. The potion began bubbling over and turning an acid yellow.  
  
"Was that supposed to happen?" Peter whined.  
  
Sirius searched through the book, sputtering, "It-it doesn't say."  
  
A gust of wind rushed by them. Remus folded his arms in an attempt to stay warm.   
  
"The fire, the fire!" Peter wailed.  
  
The fire beneath the cauldron had gone out. Sirius dropped the book and rushed over. He and Peter began immediately to cast flame spells on the cauldron. Remus picked up the book to look at the formula. Instead of the animagi potion, the page showed exactly how to disarm a portkey. Remus stared at the page in awe.  
  
"Gonna help us or what, Mooney?" Sirius demanded.  
  
Remus quickly tore that page from the book and stuffed it in his robes. After that, Remus tried spells on the cauldron as well. After about five minutes and the Relashio spell, they finally got it lit. Sirius checked the book to see if the potion might have been damaged by being so long without fire. As far as he could tell, there was nothing wrong. The three continued to work until it got quite late. When they got back to the common room, Remus saw Lily still up.   
  
"Careful," Sirius said, noticing her too.  
  
"What do you mean?" Remus asked.  
  
"You're going to go over there, aren't you?" Sirius assumed.  
  
"Yes," Remus admitted.  
  
"Be careful around her," Sirius insisted. "You don't want things any worse."  
  
"I don't think they can get worse," Remus said, putting his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen."  
  
Sirius nodded and went with Peter up to the dormitories.  
  
Remus walked over to where Lily sat and looked over her shoulder. She had dozens of valentines piled on the table.   
  
"Popular, aren't you?" Remus commented.  
  
Lily jumped.  
  
"Sorry if I scared you," Remus apologized, sitting down next to her.  
  
"They aren't for me," Lily told him, smiling wryly. "These are all for James."  
  
"All of them?" Remus asked, looked at all the cards.  
  
"I want him to know how much I regret all this," Lily muttered, starting to write something in one of the cards.  
  
"Don't mean to criticize, but I think this might just annoy him," Remus said.  
  
Lily threw down her quill, yelling, "If you have another idea, I am open to suggestions!"  
  
"I'm sorry, I have nothing to suggest," Remus admitted.  
  
"Then help," Lily ordered, handing about five cards to Remus.  
  
"What do you want me to write in them?" Remus asked.  
  
"Anything," Lily said. "Write about being sorry. Write about being depressed. Write about how horrible this has been for everyone. Write anything."  
  
Lily grabbed her quill. Remus opened one of the cards and tried to think of what he could say.  
  
"I'm not good a communicating this type of thing," Remus mumbled, biting his lip.  
  
"Try," Lily said simply.  
  
Remus looked at Lily. She leaned over a card, strands of her red hair falling in front of her face. She looked so determined to put her whole soul into her writing. The candle light danced on her soft skin. Lily licked her lips. Remus remembered how wonderful it felt to kiss her. He had to keep his mind on James. He had to resist this horrible urge he had.  
  
"I mean, how do you explain a feeling?" Remus asked, trying to concentrate on writing the card.  
  
"Tell what it's doing to you," Lily explained.  
  
"Something like 'I'm in agony without you'," Remus said quietly. "Every second that you're not in my arms, feels wrong."   
  
"You could write that, but I'm not sure if that's appropriate for James," Lily said.  
  
"It's not meant for James," Remus told her.  
  
Lily looked up from her card. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Remus leaned toward her and gently grazed her lips with his own. Lily stood up and walked a little ways away.  
  
"Remus," she began, her voice quivering, "isn't that what got us in this mess in the first place?"  
  
"I know. I'm sorry," Remus muttered.  
  
Lily turned back to Remus. Her eyes were filled with tears.  
  
"Maybe we should stop hanging out together," Lily sniffled. "I mean, this isn't working. How can we possibly get James to forgive us if we can't stop?"  
  
"Lily," Remus said, standing up and walking up to her, "I can't be without you. I need you."  
  
Lily lowered her head, closing her eyes.  
  
"I can't do this anymore, Remus!" Lily cried. "I can't go on. I can't stand this. I just can't."  
  
Remus pulled her into a hug. Lily clutched tightly to the back of his robes and cried. 


	21. The One With the Most Spells Wins

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except Crauwel and Madam Epdac.  
  
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
Chapter Twenty-One: The One with the Most Spells Wins  
  
While Valentines Day brought joy and love for every other student, Lily and Remus anxiously watched the clock.   
  
"Why is it that Voldemort never sets up a specific time for these things?" Lily complained. "How does Crauwel know if he's late if he doesn't know when he's supposed to be there?"  
  
"Calm down," Remus suggested, lounging on the couch. "And don't talk so loud. You want everyone to know?"  
  
"Maybe that's a good idea," Lily blurted, sitting on top of Remus' legs. "We could bring a teacher with us. That way, we don't really have to do anything."  
  
"I don't think that'll work," Remus told her. "What teacher would we get to come with us?"  
  
"Dumbledore!" Lily insisted.  
  
"He's still gone, remember," Remus reminded.  
  
"Binns, McGonagal, anyone!" Lily listed desperately.  
  
"Would you feel better if we went down to Crauwel's room and waited for him to make his move?" Remus asked calmly.  
  
"I'd feel better if this was all a dream that I am having on the Hogwarts Express," Lily groaned, closing her eyes.  
  
Remus smiled wryly.  
  
"Get off my legs and we'll go see Crauwel," Remus said.  
  
Lily stood up and glared at Remus.  
  
"Why is it you're always so tranquil?" she demanded.  
  
"You haven't seen my temper tantrums," Remus told her, getting off the couch.  
  
"You have temper?" Lily asked in disbelief.  
  
"A rather horrible one," Remus assured her, putting a hand over a scar on his wrist.  
  
"I'll have to take your word for that," Lily said, leading the way out the portrait hole.  
  
"You've seen it," Remus told her once they were in the corridor. "A bit of it, at least."  
  
Lily looked back at him in confusion.  
  
"Remember Christmas Eve?" Remus asked.  
  
"That was your temper?" Lily queried. "I got you mad?"  
  
"It wasn't you I was mad at," Remus assured her.  
  
"It was me you yelled at," Lily reminded.  
  
"Ever heard of displacement?" Remus said.   
  
"So if it wasn't me you were mad at, who was it?" Lily asked.  
  
"Mostly myself," Remus guessed.  
  
Lily blinked at him.  
  
Remus and Lily approached Crauwel's classroom. The light was on, so he was still there. Remus peaked inside. Crauwel was seated at his desk and was writing something.   
  
"What time is it?" Lily whispered.  
  
Remus looked at his watch, "four 0' clock. He probably won't go before dark."  
  
"What are bad guys' obsessions with the dark?" Lily complained.  
  
Remus just smiled wryly and kept watching Crauwel.  
  
Crauwel put down his quill and stretched his back. He looked up at the clock and then went over to his wardrobe. He opened the doors and grabbed something from the top shelf. Crauwel smiled, bringing the object to his desk. The object seemed to be a small black statue of a goblin. Crauwel pulled out his wand and pointed it at the statue.  
  
"Contrem Anflago," Crauwel muttered.   
  
The statue started to turn a neon green and slowly ascended off Crauwel's desk.  
  
"Anflago Corone," Crauwel continued. "Corone Flinget. Flinget Pentra. Pentra Effecto. Effecto Contrem."  
  
The statue slowly descended. Crauwel smiled. He stood up and took the statue. He began heading for the door. Remus and Lily ran down the corridor and hid in another room. Remus peaked out and watched as Crauwel exited his class and started off down the corridor. Once he had turned a corner, Lily and Remus followed stealthily. They continued following Crauwel in this manner even after they had exited the school.   
  
"Must we?" Lily whispered, when they were nearing the Forbidden Forest.  
  
Remus nodded and then held her hand.  
  
They followed through bushes and trails 'til Crauwel went into a large clearing. Lily and Remus hid behind a clump of trees and watched Crauwel. He set down the statue and casted something they couldn't hear.   
  
"Here you are again!" came a voice which was way too loud.  
  
Remus and Lily turned around and stared at James in surprise.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Remus demanded, quietly.  
  
"I'd ask you two the same thing," James said, glaring.  
  
"Quiet!" Lily hushed him.  
  
"What? What are you guys doing?" James asked.  
  
"Spying," Remus said honestly.  
  
"Is that Crauwel?" James queried, looking over Remus' head.  
  
"Well, yes," Remus answered.  
  
"What's he doing out here?"   
  
"Could you be quiet?" Lily snapped at him.  
  
"Hey, Crauwel!" James called.  
  
"You idiot," Remus said under his breath.  
  
"Crauwel!" James yelled, walking into the clearing.  
  
"Remus, stop him!" Lily commanded desperately.   
  
"I can't," Remus told her. "He's already out there."  
  
Remus and Lily looked into the clearing. Crauwel held the statue and stared at James evilly. James continued to walk toward him.  
  
"What are you doing way out here?" James asked.  
  
"I knew someone was spying on me for a while," Crauwel hissed. "I guess you know everything."  
  
"Know what?" James asked stupidly.  
  
"Don't insult my intelligence!" Crauwel snapped. "I know you know everything. I'm sorry you do, Potter. You were a good student. You could have been a great wizard. But you had to be nosey."  
  
"What are you talking about?" James asked.  
  
"Goodbye, Potter," Crauwel said, holding up his wand.  
  
"Wait, Professor!" James insisted. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Reducto!" Crauwel casted.  
  
James flew back and fell to the ground, unconscious.  
  
"James!" Lily screamed, getting up.  
  
Remus grabbed Lily's arm, saying, "Lily, Crauwel could get you just as easily."  
  
"Let me go!" Lily yelled, pulling away and running into the clearing.  
  
"Lily!" Remus called.  
  
Quickly, he ran after her. Lily knelt by James' side. Crauwel just stared at all of them in shock.  
  
"Stop, all of you!" Crauwel commanded.  
  
"Stupefy!" Remus said, holding up his wand.  
  
A white blast hit Crauwel and knocked him to the ground. Remus ran over to the statue, which Crauwel had dropped, and pulled out the portkey spell from his robes.  
  
"Contrem Effecto," Remus said to the statue.   
  
The statue began to glow and hover.  
  
"Effecto Pentra," Remus read from the paper. "Pentra Flinget. Flinget Corone. Corone Anflago. Anflago Contrem."  
  
The statue fell to the ground.  
  
"It's done," Remus praised himself. "That was easy."  
  
He looked over to Lily and James. She was laying her head on his chest, crying.  
  
"Is he okay?" Remus asked.  
  
Lily looked up at Remus and shrugged.  
  
"We'll get him to Madam Epdac," Remus assured her.  
  
Lily lay her head back down.  
  
"Bloody kids!" Crauwel muttered, getting to his feet.  
  
Remus held up his wand.  
  
"Expelliarmus!" Crauwel shouted.  
  
Remus felt a hard invisible force push him down as his wand flew from his hand. Crauwel laughed.  
  
"Now, for you Evans!" Crauwel snapped.  
  
"Run, Lily!" Remus ordered, crawling to where his wand had landed.  
  
Lily spread her body over James' to protect him.  
  
"Die how you want," Crauwel laughed. " Avada Ke-"  
  
Remus reached his wand before Crauwel could finish and quickly yelled, "Furnuncalus!"  
  
Crauwel yelled painfully as boils broke out over his skin. Remus got up and ran to block the way between Crauwel and Lily.  
  
"You'll regret that, Boy!" Crauwel wheezed in pain. "Waddiwasi!"  
  
A great ball of blue hit Remus right in the chest. He was again knocked to the ground. His vision blurred and then went black.  
A/N: I know I said that the spell for the portkey was in the advanced potions book, but then I decided it would take too long for them to brew a potion for it. So, it's a spell. 


	22. Letting Go

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except Crauwel and Madam Epdac.  
  
THE QUEEN OF MY HEART  
Chapter Twenty-Two: Letting Go  
  
His eyes seemed to open on their own. The dark ceiling of the hospital wing was all that he could see. In the corner of his eyes, Remus could see a flicker of light. Remus slowly turned his head toward the light. It came from a candle on the table that stood next to the sleeping James. Lily stood over him, whispering. Remus tried to get up, but a sharp pain erupted in his gut, and he felt suddenly paralyzed all over. He stopped trying to get up, and the pain subsided.  
  
Remus kept watching Lily, unable to do anything. Lily slowly leaned down and kissed James' still lips. Remus looked away, a lump growing in his throat and his eyes burning. Quickly, Remus cleared his throat and began to breathe slowly. This action calmed the water in his eyes, but also attracted Lily's attention. She walked over to Remus and sat on the edge of his bed.  
  
"How're you feeling?" She asked.  
  
Remus looked her over. Her hair was uncombed and she wore only a bathrobe. Remus supposed that she sneaked down from Gryffindor tower to see James.  
  
Lily set her hands on top of Remus'.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked gently.  
  
"I have a ghastly pain in my gut when I even try to move," Remus told her.  
  
Lily lowered her head.  
  
"I guess that's my fault," she said. "I was foolish enough to run into danger and force you to save me."  
  
"I would do it again without a minute hesitation," Remus told her sincerely.  
  
Lily smiled slightly.  
  
"What happened after I blacked out?" Remus asked.  
  
"Crauwel just toppled over," Lily explained. "He must have been overwhelmed by all those boils breaking out all over him. I cast a spell on him to knock him unconscious."  
  
"That's good," Remus said.  
  
"Dumbledore returned and I told him about Crauwel," Lily went on. "You're right. Dumbledore's a great man. He sent Crauwel to Azkaban."  
  
"At least we don't have to worry about that anymore," Remus smiled.  
  
Lily smiled too, and then stopped.  
  
"Remus," she began, "I care for you deeply."  
  
If Remus could, he would have jumped from his bed in delight.  
  
"And I know you care for me," Lily went on.   
  
Lily paused, tears gleaming in her green eyes.  
  
"But James needs me."  
  
"Do you love him?" Remus choked out.  
  
Lily nodded slowly.  
  
Remus closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He didn't want to look a her anymore. The pain was too much to bear. He felt like he was choking and drowning at once.  
  
"Remus?" Lily cried softly.  
  
"Please leave," Remus told her, not opening his eyes.  
  
"I'm really sorry," she said.  
  
"I told you to go!" Remus shouted.  
  
It was quiet for a while. Out of curiosity, Remus opened his eyes. Lily still sat beside him. Her eyes were bloodshot and wetness lingered on her eyelashes. Blotches of redness dotted her tear-soaked cheeks. Despite it all, Remus couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked.  
  
"Alright, Remus," Lily sniffled. "I'll leave you alone."  
  
With that, Lily stood up and walked quite dismally out of the hospital wing. Remus felt horrible. What had he done? He just yelled at the Queen of his Heart again. He had hurt her. He caused her to cry. The pain of that was worse than his broken heart.  
  
****************  
  
Remus awoke as the sun rose. Light poured into the hospital wing. He slowly sat up and looked around. James' bed was empty and the sheets were folded up. Remus wondered where he had gone.  
  
"Dear, don't move so much," Madam Epdac insisted, running over to Remus.  
  
"James," Remus muttered. "Where's James Potter?"  
  
"Sorry, dear, but he's gone," Madam Epdac said. "I let him go a couple days ago. He was better and you are not."  
  
"I'm fine," Remus told her, realizing that the pain in his gut was no longer there. "I have to speak to James."  
  
"Can't let you go yet," Epdac insisted. "When was your last transformation?"  
  
"Three weeks," Remus replied. "But I must see James."  
  
"Just a moment," Epdac said, grabbing a brown bottle. "How's your tummy?"  
  
"It's fine," Remus assured her. "Please, can I go?"  
  
"You should take this, just in case," Madam Epdac told him, pouring some into a spoon.  
  
She trusted the spoon into Remus' mouth.  
  
"There you go."  
  
It tasted very much like fish oil.   
  
"Now, you may go," Epdac allowed.  
  
Remus got up from the bed, feeling a little dizzy. He had the suspicion that she gave him that stuff so he would have to stay in the hospital wing. His suspicion was laid to rest when the dizziness wore off. Remus bolted out of the hospital wing and down to the Great Hall. He spotted James, Sirius, and Peter at the Gryffindor table. He approached slowly, trying to think of what to say. Once he was there, Remus just stood. Sirius and Peter glanced at him and then at James. James had his eyes unfocused on his food with a furious expression on his face.  
  
"Finally out," Peter squeaked nervously.  
  
"Yeah," Remus said. "How long was I in for?"  
  
"A week," Sirius replied.  
  
"I guess I was asleep during most of that," Remus said, looking at James.  
  
As Remus sat down next to Peter, James quickly stood up. He gave Remus a hateful scowl and then walked toward the door. This hurt Remus. He saved both James' and Lily's life in the Forbidden Forest. Yet, James couldn't even sit at the same table with him. This could not be stood for. Remus had to explain things.  
  
"I heard that you-" Sirius began.  
  
"Excuse me," Remus interrupted, getting up from the table and running after James.   
  
James was halfway up the main staircase when Remus was just exiting the Great Hall.  
  
"James!" Remus called, catching up with him.  
  
"What d'you want, Remus?" James snapped.  
  
"I want to be friends again," Remus stated truthfully.  
  
James shook his head, saying, "I don't think I could trust you enough to be your friend."  
  
"I know I did a horrible thing," Remus admitted. "I did kiss your girlfriend. I know that I shouldn't have done it. I knew then that I shouldn't have done it. It was the worst thing I could possibly do to my best friend, a friend who has done so much for me."  
  
James didn't respond. He just looked at Remus and waited.  
  
"James," Remus began, "I love her. I have always loved her. I will always love her. I cannot stop it no matter how hard I try. But she doesn't want me. She wants you. She loves you. I have to respect that."  
  
James nodded slowly.  
  
"If I were going to let a girl come between us, then I would hate you for having her. But I don't," Remus explained. "Please don't hate me because I wanted her."   
  
James looked at his feet and then back at Remus.  
  
"Well, I can't blame you for wanting to kiss her," James said. "I've been wanting to kiss her since we started going out. And I didn't even love her until Christmas. I'm amazed at your restraint."  
  
Remus smiled, "Does that mean that you forgive me?"  
  
"Yeah, Mooney, I forgive you," James began, patting Remus on the back. "Just try to keep your mind about you around Lily. Alright?"  
  
"Sure," Remus laughed.  
  
"Have you had breakfast?" James asked. "Of course, you haven't."  
  
James put his arm around Remus and they went back into the Great Hall together.  
  
After breakfast, Remus had to speedily pack before the carriages arrived to take them to Hogsmeade station. Remus didn't have time to talk to Lily. Her and Sarah were already off. Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James crammed into the carriage.  
  
"Another year over," Sirius said, stretching.  
  
"Why didn't you ride with Sibyl?" Remus asked.  
  
"I think I've grown out of her," Sirius mused. "After all, she's a little creepy, don't you think?"  
  
Peter, Remus and James laughed.  
  
"Oh, and get this," Sirius went on. "She said she saw me in her crystal ball behind bars. Can you imagine me in prison?"  
  
They came upon the train station. The Hogwarts Express bellowed steam. The marauders got out of the carriage and blended into the crowd.   
  
"Look, there's Lily!" James shouted, pushing through the crowd.  
  
"Doesn't that make you feel good?" Peter sighed. "James and Lily are going to make up."  
  
"Sure, you girl," Sirius laughed. "I'll pick out a compartment."  
  
Sirius ran off toward the train.   
  
"Lupin?"  
  
Remus and Peter turned around to see little Kari Morgan smiling up at them.  
  
"Hey there, Kari," Remus greeted.  
  
"I heard about the Forbidden Forest," Kari said quietly. "I just wanted to say that was really great what you did. You're really brave, and-"  
  
Kari began to blush.  
  
"You're really wonderful, Lupin," Kari mumbled nervously.  
  
"Thanks," Remus said. "You can call me Remus if you want."  
  
Kari smiled excitedly.  
  
"See you next year," Kari said, running off.  
  
"Mooney," Peter squeaked, pulling on Remus' robes. "It's Lily."  
  
Remus turned to where Peter was pointing. Lily stood in clear view. She took one step at a time as she stared into Remus' eyes, smiling.  
  
"James told me what you said," she told him as she reached five feet away from him.  
  
Remus smiled slightly.  
  
"I'm so glad you two are friends again," Lily commented. "Are..are we friends again?"  
  
"Yeah," Remus began, "we're friends."  
  
Lily threw her arms around Remus and hugged him.  
  
"Oh, Remus," Lily cried, "I'm so glad we're friends."  
  
'Girls cry about everything,' Remus thought. He was glad they were friends too.  
  
As Lily pulled away, she gently brushed her lips against Remus' cheek. Her bright green eyes sparkled with tears.  
  
"Trying to steal my girlfriend again?" James accused jokingly.  
  
Lily laughed, wiping the tears from her eyes. James slipped his arms around Lily's waist.   
  
"See you on the train," James said.  
  
Lily waved her fingers at Remus as she and James turned and walked toward the Hogwarts Express. Remus watched Lily take James' arm. He turned to her. Lily got on her tippy toes and kissed James.  
  
"I don't understand," Peter squealed.  
  
Remus started, having forgotten that Peter was beside him.  
  
"What's that?" Remus asked.  
  
"I don't understand how you can watch them," Peter explained.  
  
Remus looked down at the chubby fellow and smiled.  
  
"Peter, ol' chap," Remus began, putting his arm around his friend's shoulder, "it's very simple. You see, Lily is the only girl that James has ever really been serious about. They love each other. They belong together. One day they'll get married and have a little Potter and he'll remind me of Lily, especially if he has those beautiful green eyes."  
  
"But, Mooney," Peter whined, "you love her."  
  
"Yes, I do," Remus replied. "I will love her until the day I die. And I will always be there for her whenever she has need of me. I am contented with the thought that she is happy and she does care for me."  
  
"I couldn't sit back and watch while the girl I wanted was with someone else," Peter said.  
  
"Could you if it was the girl you loved?" Remus retorted. "When you're in love, Pete, all that matters is her happiness and what she wants. What I want is minuscule compared to what she wants. I would do anything for her. She's the queen of my heart."  
  
"C'mon, you two!" Sirius called from the train. "We're about to depart."  
  
Remus and Peter ran up to the train and Sirius helped them up.  
  
"Farewell, all!" Remus called to the people who remained on the platform. "Have a lovely Summer!"  
  
**cue music**  
  
**fade out**  
  
**closing credits**  
  
Writer: Lina Shay  
  
Characters: J. K. Rowling  
  
Inspiration: The wonderfulness of life and love 


End file.
